Centurions
by noirlail8
Summary: They were sent to the bar as a couple to get some answers, getting caught in the process was never part of the plan.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This is my second L&O:SVU story and my very first multichapter-ed ever...I know where I'm going with this story, so I'll do my very best to update on a weekly basis. _

_This story is set after the events on the 15__th__ season finale._

_Thanks for reading. If you feel like to, do let me know your thoughts on this one._

Disclaimer: I don't own any of L&O:SVU

* * *

**Centurions**

The room was dark and humid. She could hear the water leaking from the ceiling and the sound sent chills down her spine. Very slowly, Amanda tried to open her eyes, but her eyelids felt heavy and there was a pounding in her head that made her want to keep her eyes tightly closed instead. When she was finally able to open her eyes, she was taken aback by the darkness that surrounded her. She couldn't tell the size of the room she was in, _Hell!_ She couldn't even tell where she was, let alone any other aspect of the place.

She tried to move, but her body was sore and soon she realised that she was handcuffed to a chair. The more she struggled, the more she felt her wrists start burning from the metal scrapping against her skin.

"God, where am I?" she asked to herself. There were many questions running through her mind regarding the events that led her to her current situation and she felt the anxiety grow.

"You need to calm down, Amanda" she said, throwing her head back a little and closing her eyes. "You'll never be able to figure out what's going on, unless you calm down"

The last thing she remembered clearly was… the undercover mission. Liv has asked her and Nick to go undercover to a club on Friday night. They were trying to identify the guy who had been kidnapping couples every week for the last two months. All the police knew was that, the couples were tortured for around a week or so before they were released. Unfortunately, none of them had been willing to press charges or to talk about what they had endured during their captivity. For the state each and every couple were in, it was evident the hell this guy has put them through, but without an statement, there was nothing the NYPD could do about it.

They needed someone to come forward but they haven't been lucky enough. Which is why, Olivia came up with the idea of sending two detectives undercover in order to get some answers or -at least- some useful information that may shed some light on the kidnapper's psychology. Clearly, getting caught was _NOT_ part of Liv's plan.

Just like that, her mind started spinning around, where was Nick?, was he okay?, was he caught?, was she caught?

Amanda closed her eyes and tried hard to think about what had happened that night after Liv handed off their assignments, but she came back empty. One second she and Nick were at the bar, mingling, dancing, asking questions and the next, she was tied up to a chair in an empty, humid and very dark place.

_Agh!_ Nothing made sense and her headache was getting worse by the minute.

"Mmm.." A soft moan coming from across the room brought her back from her thoughts

"Nick, is that you" Amanda asked tentatively in a low voice.

"Rollins?" Came back Nick's groggy response.

Amanda couldn't help to feel sad when she listened to Nick calling her by her last name. Ever since they split up he's gone back to call her 'Rollins' and it hurt. But in that moment, that was the least of her concerns; she'll deal with her hurt later; there were more pressing matters at hand.

She let out a puff of air, relieved. Now she knew where Nick was but the fact they were both in the same room meant that they were in big trouble.

"Yeah, it's me" she smiled despite herself. "How're you feeling?" she asked in a very low voice, the room was dead silent and she was trying to help Nick adjust to his surroundings.

"Not so good, my head is killing me and I'm tied up…to a chair, I guess" His voice was stronger now.

"Yeah, me too. Any idea of what might've happened to us? She asked, directing her voice to where she thought Nick was.

"Huh?" Nick hesitated for a second. He could clearly hear Amanda, but he couldn't tell exactly where she was.

But before Nick could answer, a door slammed open, casting a dim light into the room and a dark silhouette showed.

Both Nick and Amanda turned their heads away from the door; blinking hard as the light hurt their eyes after such a long time in darkness.

Once their vision had adjusted, they looked around. The room now looked more like a windowless dungeon, they were seated facing each other, their knees were barely touching, but they didn't realise it before because their feet were each tied to the chair legs.

Nick looked intently into Amanda's face. Her make-up wasn't perfect anymore, the mascara was smeared under her eyes but she seemed to be unharmed which made him feel a bit relieved. The last thing he wanted was for her to be hurt.

Nick felt Amanda's gaze on him, he could read the worry in her face so he smiled in order to reassure her as he felt the taste of copper in his mouth. Apparently, whoever did this to them used some force to subdue him.

Amanda opened her mouth to speak but she was interrupted by a raspy, unpleasant voice coming from the opened door. "So, my favourite couple is awake already. We're gonna have a lot of fun, are we not?" I promise that, by the time I finish with you two, you'll realise what a big mistake you made by getting married".

Amanda and Nick turned to look into each others eyes, but the door slammed shut leaving them in complete darkness once again.

_To be continued_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thanks so very much for your reviews. Here's the next chapter, hope you like it._

_If you have the chance, do let me know your thoughts on it._

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of L&O:SVU or its characters

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Listening to their kidnapper's voice wasn't useful. The only difference was that, now they had a better idea- so to speak- of what was going on.

"I still don't get it. How he managed to get us in here?" Amanda was the first to break the silence. The sound of her voice echoed across the cell.

"Do you think he drugged us?" She asked, lowering her voice to a whisper acutely aware that the kidnapper could be listening to them.

"Most likely he did" Nick answered lifting his head and doing his best to look Amanda in the eye, even when he knew she couldn't see him. "But he also hit me, I have a split lip and my rib cage hurt, badly. Don't think it's because of the drugs".

"What about you, are you injured?" Nick asked, his voice laced with concern.

"No" Amanda said, shaking her head vigorously but regretting it almost immediately. "My head hurts like a bitch, but I'm sure it's because of whatever he drugged us with"

"God!, I just can't remember what happened. I wish I did though, Liv is gonna be so disappointed" Amanda said, closing her eyes.

"Don't think about it, ok? I'm sure she'll understand, we didn't even know what kind of lunatic we were dealing with. What worries me is how long is it gonna take for them to realise we've been captured.

"Most likely they know by now" She shifted on her seat, her voice a bit exasperated.

"Don't worry, Liv and Fin will find us" Nick said reassuringly.

"I know they will. The question is, how long will it take them to do that?. Because I'm not sure I want to experience first hand what this guy has done to his victims" Amanda snapped"

"Sorry" she grimaced, closing her eyes in regret. I didn't mean to be rude.

"It's okay, I get it. This was not part of the plan, was it?" he smiled, trying to ease the mood a little.

"What do you think this guy has in store for us?" Amanda asked

"I dunno, but if we play along, there's a chance for us" Nick said, trying to believe his words.

* * *

_**SVU Headquarters **(__Six hours missing)_

"Any news on them" Olivia asked, her voice laced with worry.

"Not yet. The security cameras showed them dinking at the bar. Then Amanda headed to the lady's room. Eight minutes later, Nick checked his watch and two minutes after that, he went to check on her. Neither of them came back."

"Nobody seems to be paying extra attention to either of them" said Olivia, looking at the images on the screen.

"Now we're worse than before" Olivia said, rubbing her face.

"He'll let them go, Liv. Just like he's done before" Fin's answer was quiet yet, the apprehension in his voice was evident.

"Yeah, but when and in what condition" She shook her head. "We need to go back to the club and Fin, we need to be very discreet. We don't want this to be leaked to the press. Their survival depends on this guy believing that he has kidnapped a real couple, if he finds out they're cops, they 'll be as good as dead."

* * *

They didn't know how long it has been since the guy left the cell, but it felt like an eternity.

The feeling of grogginess started to disappear and they were more alert now. They assumed it was because the effect of whatever the guy has drugged them with was now leaving their systems.

"Do you really think we're gonna get out of this one?" Amanda's voice sounded lost.

"Again with that, Rollins?" Nick's voice was exasperated. The other couples have, we shouldn't be an exception"

"Yeah, but we aren't married, Nick. And we don't know what this guy put them through. What if we screw up, what if he finds out we're not actually married?

Amanda's rant was interrupted by the sound of metal scraping against metal. And a few seconds later, the door slammed open, again. Both Amanda and Nick turned their heads almost immediately, this time, the light coming from the outside wasn't as helpful as it was the first time.

They heard heavy footsteps coming their way and they noticed the door was left ajar , casting enough light into the darkness of the room for them to be able to see each other, but not enough to be able to identify their captor.

"You hungry? The kidnapper asked cheerfully. "Good news, I've got food, bad news, I got only one plate and a glass of water" The guy said with a smirk as he put what seemed to be a tray on a small table in the corner of the cell.

"So, we ready?" the kidnapper moved closer to them, always careful to stand away from the light coming from the door.

"Ready for what?" Asked Nick

"Good to listen to your voice, my friend. I bet you undoubtedly are the man of the house, right?"

"Why are we here?" This time it was Amanda's turn to ask

"I've told you, my dear. You're here to realise the big mistake you made by marrying my friend here. The guy said, pointing his finger at Nick. "Sorry, what's his name? It's just that I've been going through your purse and jacket and I was unable to find an ID. Actually, I don't know what your name is either, dear" He said, a note of cynicism in his voice.

Nick and Amanda looked at each other and they immediately knew they were thinking the same. _Thank Goodness they didn't take their badges and ID's with them that night._

"We're even then, cuz we don't know your name either" Said Amanda, turning to look at the guy and doing her best to look him in the eye.

Just then, the guy grabbed her by the hair and pulled, hard, getting a small cry out of Amanda. "Don't disrespect me, dear. If you ever want to be out of this place, that is" He said, as he let her go.

"Now, you were about to tell me what your names are, right?"

Nick looked at Amanda with concern, she managed to give him an almost imperceptible smile, which didn't escape unnoticed by the kidnapper.

"My name is Eddie", said Nick. "She's my wife, Frannie"

"So, Eddie and Frannie, isn't it sweet?" the kidnapper said mockingly. "Ok, Eddie and Frannie, I was going to let you chose who was gonna get to eat, but you've pissed me off already, so the rules have changed. We'll go straight to our game and see if you can get back to my good graces."

The guy left the room, but this time, didn't bother to close the door behind him. A few seconds later he came back, carrying something in his hands. He went straight to the small table where he had put the tray and left the items he brought with him on the floor. One of them sounded like a bucket of water, the other, was a long object, but it was impossible to determine what it was.

He took what seemed like headphones and a cloth from the table and walked towards Nick and Amanda

Now that he was closer to the light they could see the kidnapper was wearing a black balaclava helmet over his head exposing only his eye area. He was tall, well built and athletic.

"This is the drill, my friends. Frannie here will be blindfolded and will wear this headphones and you, Eddie, will answer my questions. Once we've finished, I will remove the headphones and check the answers you gave me. If Frannie gives me the same answer, you'll get points, Eddie, but, if she doesn't, then Frannie will be punished. Ready?" The guy said, as he proceed to blindfold Amanda.

"No, we ain't ready" said Nick The lack of excitement in the kidnappers voice made Nick wander the reasons behind this wacko's actions. _Maybe he wanted to be antagonized_.

Amanda turned to look at Nick, she had experienced now what the guy was capable of and somehow she knew it was just the tip of the iceberg.

"Excuse me, what you just said?" The guy asked turning slightly towards Nick.

"You heard me" Nick said defiantly.

"I guess your hubby here didn't understand the rules, Frannie. Let's make them clear for him." The guy said calmly as he tuned to face Amanda once again and bending slightly towards her, he punched her in the stomach. Amanda cried in pain and the kidnapper took the opportunity to untie both her feet from the chair legs and, getting a key out of his jacket's pocket, he uncuffed her. Then, he shoved Amanda onto the floor, pushing her head until she was face first on the cement.

Then, using one of his strong hands to keep her in that position, he stretched out to get the long object he'd brought in and swung in on to her back. Amanda shrieked and cried out in pain.

"Her spine will snap before the cane does, Eddie. So tell me, are you ready now?"

"You sick bastard, leave her alone!" Nick was furiously trying to launch himself against the kidnapper, his eyes watery with rage.

But this was not the answer the kidnapper wanted so he hit Amanda again, this time, in her mid- back. Amanda groaned and did her best to try to curl into a ball.

"The next time Eddie, I hit the kidneys and you'll be a widower, your choice" Said the kidnapper his voice ice cold.

"Why are you punishing her, I'm the one who refused to play your game" Nick asked desperately.

"Because, Eddie, that is how a marriage works. Your decisions affect the both of you."

"Stop, stop! I'll do whatever you want, just, just leave her alone" Nick's voice was full of concern, fury, and guilt. He didn't see any of this coming.

"Good!" the guy said, pulling Amanda up and forcing her into the chair. He pushed her backwards and hold her still while he tied her up again. Her hands were shaking and she did her best to sat upright in order to keep her back from touching anything.

The kidnapper blindfolded her and put the headphones on her head.

"So, Eddie. How long have you two been married?"

"Three years and a half" came Nick's answer. He decided to be as honest as possible in order to make things easier on Amanda once it was her turn.

"Do you have kids?"

"No, we don't" Nick said, closing his eyes.

"Why not, is it because she doesn't want them?"

"No" Nick turned to look into the guy's eye. "It's because we haven't found the time".

"Well, Eddie. I can assure you that, after this little adventure, you may have the time, but you will not want to.

"What about her favourite team"

"She's a fan of the Braves"

"Atlanta? Why's that? The guy walked to the wall and leaned against it.

"She's from there" Nick was annoyed by now, but he knew that Amanda's safety depended directly on him.

"Is she addicted to something?"

Nick was taken aback by his question. He couldn't talk about her gambling problem but he needed to give him a truthful answer. One that would not be difficult for Amanda to give in case she's asked the same question. "She's addicted to donuts, she likes them very much"

"Hmm…" was the only sound coming from the kidnapper's.

Nick felt the kidnapper's eyes looking intently at him, scrutinizing him as if he didn't believe him. But Nick remained impassive. The last thing he needed was for this psycho to read into his mind.

"How did you two met?"

"At work"

"Where"

"Here in New York"

"Do you love her?"

Nick was now looking intently into Amanda's face. She looked pale and for the way she was chewing on her lower lip, he could tell she was in pain. "Yes, yes I do"

"Ok, I think it's enough for now." The guy walked towards Amanda and she jumped slightly when she felt him next to her. He took off the blindfold and the headphones. Amanda blinked fast and, very slightly, shook her head. When she looked up, she saw Nick's eyes boring into hers and he could tell just how concerned he was.

"I'm okay" she mouthed and she did her best to smile at him, but it came more like a grimace.

The moment was interrupted by the kidnappers voice.

"Frannie, I've been talking to Eddie and he's been really mean to you, you know? He told me that you don't want to have kids cuz you find them annoying. Oh! And he also said that your addictions are driving him crazy" The guy said looking intently into her pale face.

"I don't believe you" was all Amanda said before turning to look at Nick, who was shaking his head.

"He also said that he doesn't love you", the guy bent close to her face. Amanda closed her eyes and did her best to keep the tears at bay. The pain was becoming unbearable and even when she knew the guy got that one right, she couldn't let him see how much his words hurt.

Nick tried to speak but the kidnapper punched him hard in the stomach, preventing him from defending himself.

"Why don't you believe me, Frannie. We're talking about the man who let me punish you, just because he didn't want to play along."

"Because that is not true either. You punished me because you wanted, not because he wanted me to suffer". Amanda's response was shaky but determined.

The guy laughed at her response. "You know, the other couples didn't fight back. They didn't stand for each other. The minute the game started, they went against one another. But you two, you are different"

"I'm going to leave you alone for a couple of minutes. Considering you were not cooperative, you won't get to eat today, maybe tomorrow?" He said with a smirk, gathering the items he had brought in with him.

The guy left the room and closed the door behind him, leaving them in complete darkness once again.

This time, Nick was the first to break the silence. "Does it hurt much?" He knew it was a silly question, of course it hurt!

"I'm really sorry, Amanda, I didn't mean for this to happen" He said trying his best to reach for her, even when he knew it was impossible.

"Hey!, what he told you… I swear I didn't say any of that"

"I know" she managed to say, but she didn't sound convinced.

Nick went through all the questions and answers that were exchanged between him and the kidnapper in order to reassure her, but she didn't seem interested in what he had to say.

"Could you please say something?" Nick asked, he'd been taking for the last couple of minutes without getting response from her, not even a sound.

"What do you want me to say? That you're a very skilled liar, well, congrats, you are. Hopefully he bought them all" She spat at him.

"That is not true" He said shaking his head.

"It is, we both know it is. But that is not what matters. The most important thing now is, to make him believe that we trust each other no matter what. And maybe, just maybe, when he realises that his divide and conquer strategy is not working on us, he'll let us go.

"Amanda…" Nick said, looking intently to where he knew her eyes were. He knew she couldn't see the truth in them, but he was hoping she could at least, sense the truth in his words

"Nick.." she said, her voice shaky. I do trust you, okay! I really do, it's just that, I'm tired and my back hurts" she shifted on her seat.

"I wish it were me, you know? The one he hurt…" Nick said, his voice just above a whisper.

Just then, the door slammed open once again, which caused both Nick and Amanda to jump. And without a word, the kidnapper crossed the space in two steps and came face to face with Amanda, slapping her so hard that she felt her teeth grit.

"Hey you, animal" Nick yelled in a desperate attempt to direct the guy's rage towards him.

Nick was terrified, looking back and forth between Amanda and the kidnapper and then just focusing on her. When Amanda finally turned her head, he could see blood coming from her mouth and nose.

"What's wrong with you? We're not playing any games now, I haven't broken your rules, why did you hit her?" Nick's voice was full of anger.

"What I just did was to punish her and you" The kidnapper answered.

"But why, what have we done?" asked Nick, trying to keep the conversation flowing. The last thing he wanted was to give him a reason to hit Amanda again.

"You really don't know?" the kidnapper asked, moving away from Amanda who was now looking Nick in the face.

It's simple, because Amanda and you, Nicholas have been lying to me. Or should I call you detectives Amaro and Rollins?

_tbc…_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thank you so very, very much for your reviews. I hope you like this chapter._

_If you feel like to, let me know your thoughts on it._

_Sorry for the typos you may find, I did my best to get rid of them, but I'm not sure I succeeded._

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of L&O:SVU or its characters

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Nick looked intently at Amanda upon listening to the kidnapper's words. He knew the truth, he knew their real names, he knew they were not married… their chances of survival were very slim now.

"Now you'll both be punished for lying to me." he said, turning to look at Amanda, who braced herself for what was coming.

They both thought the kidnapper was going to hit Amanda, instead, he turned to Nick, who shuddered and gasped as a bucketful of ice cold water hit him right in the face. He coughed violently and doubled up in pain.

"This is all your fault, detective. You brought this on yourself the minute you lied to me. The only thing I asked of you was honesty and, what I got in return? Just a bunch of pitiful lies" Said the kidnapper, holding two electric wires in his big hands.

"Now you're suffering, but this is the path you choose" The kidnapper hadn't finished his sentence when he was already applying electric shocks to Nick's rib cage.

Nick screamed and convulsed uncontrollably. His eyes were in blank and his head was hanging down.

"And you, why did you let him lie to me, detective Rollins? Was it because you too thought I was stupid? He was standing next to her now, wires in hand and she flinched.

"And you, you don't seem brave, detective, quite the opposite.

Amanda chose not to answer, she focused her attention on Nick, who was now in a semi-conscious estate after the electroshocks.

"I bet you want to get out of here right away, don't you? I wonder what you'll be willing to do in order to convince me of letting you go". Said the kidnapper, his gaze intent on her face.

"How far have you gone to make your gambling debts disappear, detective? Will you be willing to do something like what you've done before to save your life?" The guy whispered in Amanda's ear, his hot breath fanning the strands of hair over her ear.

His comment made Amanda turn to look away, her fringe covering her eyes. Flashbacks of what she was about to do before Murphy revealed his true identity, came to her mind.

"What? I struck close to home? I think you're worse than I thought, detective. He said grabbing her jaw and turning her head to face him.

Out of the corner of her eye, Amanda could see Nick recovering from the kidnapper's last assault.

"You up to join us now, detective Amaro? I can tell you will not be able to take another round, so, why don't we end this once and for all?"

"I know Amanda here will be more than willing to take one for the team, isn't it true, detective Rollins? He said, pressing his lips against her ear.

"This can come to an end and you can be free. All you have to do is accept the inevitable" the guy was so close to her, taking in her scent. "You give her to me and I promise, you'll be free. All you have to say is 'take her' and your suffering will come to an end."

Nick turned his head to look at the kidnapper. _He couldn't be serious! _Disgust written on his face.

Amanda tried hard to keep the tears at bay. _Will Nick accept? Maybe it wasn't such a horrible idea after all, if it meant for both of them to be free_

You don't even have to watch, detective. Amanda and I can go somewhere else, would you like that, Amanda? He said, running his hand along her arm.

"Sick son of a …." Nick was still trying to catch his breath. "No! The answer is no!" He said, shaking his head to emphasize his answer.

Pressing his lips hard to her ear, he managed to un-cuff her and release her from the ropes tying her to the chair legs. With one hard pull, he grabbed Amanda by the neck, making her shriek, and half carried her half dragged her to the wall opposite to where she was seated, cuffing her right arm to the gray brick wall.

"Now that everything is almost ready, we can talk about the price of your freedom, which I consider to be extremely cheap considering what you've done, and the best part is that, it's in your hands, Nick"

"We know, and if you don't at least you can imagine, that addicts are always willing to do whatever they consider necessary in order to keep their addiction running. And, Amanda here, is an addict, Nick.

"No, she isn't" Nick's voice was raspy, but you could tell how distressed he was by his bulging neck veins.

"She's not?" The kidnapper said, shaking his head. "Even when she's not gambling anymore –or so she says- an addict is and always will be an addict. But you, Nick, you're a decent guy. A family guy whose always tried to do the right thing. You take care of your family, your friends and co-workers, you do the best in the job… even when the women around you don't always appreciate your effort, do they?"

Despite the weakness and disgust she was feeling, Amanda couldn't help but wonder why this guy knew so much about them? He didn't find out their true identities long ago, then, _how on earth he got so much information on them in such a short time_?

"You have two options here, detective. Either you let me take her or you take her yourself. If you don't choose, I will and trust me, the hero in you will not like my choice". He said, as he started unbuttoning Amanda's blouse.

His hot breath assaulted her nose and she kept her body stiff, trying hard to block all feelings, but his hands were rough against her neck. She could feel the warmth of his body and it made her want to throw up.

Amanda turned to look at Nick, a lone tear rolling down her cheek "Please, please, please make him stop" came Amanda's pleading voice.

"I can't, I can't" Nick mouthed, shaking his head and Amanda didn't know if his answer was more like a mantra to himself.

Amanda turned her head, letting the tears run down freely while the kidnapper pushed her blouse down her arms.

"Do you want to survive, Nick? All you have to do is say _yes_. The kidnapper said, unbuttoning her jeans.

Amanda tried hard to fight him, but it was futile. There was not much strength left in her coupled with the fact that she hadn't eaten or taken any water in over 24 hours.

The kidnappers rough hand ran across her abdomen and Amanda felt like vomiting.

"Nick, please! Don't let him do this" Amanda's words choke in her throat.

Nick's mind was working faster than ever. He was desperately trying to find a way out of this situation, something that would not jeopardize Amanda's integrity or his own, but he came up with nothing useful.

It broke his heart to see Amanda so helpless and small next to the kidnapper. All he wanted was to protect her and to stop her suffering…

"Stop! Stop! Stay away from her, I'll… I'll do whatever you want me to, just don't touch her"

"So, you've changed your mind, Nick?"

"I'll do whatever you want, stay away from her" Nick's voice was much stronger now.

"Did you hear him, Amanda? He wants to be the one touching you" The kidnapper whispered in her ear.

The guy pushed her against the cold wall and laughing, he walked towards Nick, releasing him from his restraints and taking him to the wall where he handcuffed him facing Amanda.

Nick reached to touch Amanda's cheek lightly. He noticed her skin was freezing cold and that she was shivering.

Nick immediately took Amanda's blouse which was hanging from her wrist and did his best to cover her with it.

"Are you gonna get on with it, detectives ,or should I lead the way?" the kidnapper's voice didn't sound excited as could be expected from a psycho like him, it sounded bored and hurried instead.

"I don't want to do this, Amanda"

"And I don't want you to, either. But I can't stand the idea of that guy touching me. I'm very sorry, Nick" Tears pooled in her eyes.

"Plus, he's right" Amanda said, taking a deep, shaky breath and wiping the tears away with her free hand. "I've been willing to do things I'm not proud of for less than this" Memories of Murphy and the gambling club coming back to her.

Nick could see the hurt and shame in her eyes and he felt bad. She seemed to be lost in her thoughts and all Nick wanted was to hug her, but he knew it was not the time- or the place.

"Can I ask you something?" Came Amanda's faint voice.

"Yeah, anything!"

"Make it quick"

The guy saw in boredom the exchange between them and a smug smile touched his lips when he finally made them do what he wanted from the start.

Amanda travelled to another place. She closed her eyes tight and pretended nothing was happening. She chose to block the guy, because even when she couldn't see him, she knew he could see them. It was like playing a role in a play, one that you hate, but you can't do something about.

* * *

_**SVU Headquarters**_

_**27 hours missing**_

"We got an anonymous tip" Fin said. "A woman called reporting some strange things that had happened in a country house near Brewster.

"And a witness from the club came in, he's now working with the sketch artist Apparently, someone remembered a guy following Amanda to the lady's room". Fin said, taking a look at the notes jotted in his small notebook.

"Let's go straight to the address the anonymous tip gave us and ask Wheeler to send us a photo of the suspect as soon as it's ready" Olivia said, grabbing her coat . She didn't want to waste any more time.

* * *

When Nick finished, he pulled away from Amanda. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was, but her eyes were closed, her eyelashes wet from the tears.

Three separate claps startled Nick and brought Amanda back from the safe place she went to.

"Who would have said it? Two dedicated cops who fight against rapists and abusers have just raped and abused each other."

The comment caused Amanda to open her eyes and before Nick could say something, she spoke "You made us do it" her words full of anger

"No, I did not. I let you choose and you chose to rape each other". You both said no; clearly neither of you wanted it and according to what you always say to the victims, saying 'No', is more than enough.

"Amanda, you, forced your partner and former lover to do what you wanted, even when he didn't want to just to spare yourself the pain of being raped by someone else.

"And you, Mr. Righteous, preferred to force her yourself than letting someone else touch her- pretty selfish if you ask me.

"You're not better than the scumbags you try to put behind bars for a living. You may tell yourselves that you didn't have a choice, but the truth is, you did. And you'll have to live with your decision and the consequences of it for the rest of your lives. You've become the very thing you fight up against" He said, walking away and slamming the door shut behind him leaving them in complete darkness, just like they felt inside. The sound of their breathing and the water leaking through the walls, the only noises that could be heard.

Once again, Nick was the first to speak."What he just said, it ain't true", he did his best to look into her blue eyes, but she turned her head away from him, too ashamed to meet his gaze.

Knowing that she wasn't' going to look at him, Nick decided to keep the conversation flowing. The last thing he wanted right now was for Amanda to shut down.

"He tricked us" Nick said slamming his fist against the wall, his voice loud and angry. "Most likely, that's what he did to the other couples.

"I don't think so" Amanda was doing her best to button up her shirt correctly using only one hand. "He kept them for around a week and we've been here for less than 48 hours. It's as if… as if we were his target all along" she said, her voice just above a whisper.

Nick's mind was racing fast. He couldn't get the words of the kidnapper out of his head and it made him wrench. He shook his head, he couldn't let his words get under his skin, he just couldn't.

Amanda curled herself into a ball and leaned her head against the cold wall. "Do you think he'll let us go, Nick" she sounded so lost and weak and it broke Nick's heart to hear her so helpless. He wanted to reach out, to touch her hair, but he knew better.

He just sat quietly next to her, closing his eyes, allowing the darkness to swallow him.

Nick woke up to the sound of wailing sirens. At first, Nick thought it was his imagination, but he knew it wasn't as the noise grew louder.

"Amanda" he touched her arm lightly. "The police is here"

Suddenly, the lack of noise from the outside was replaced by a lot of noise. The sound of voices, cars and radios filled the cell and for the first time – in more than a day- Nick and Amanda both felt safe.

"Police!" came Olivia's voice. "Nick, Amanda!"

"In here" Nick yelled. His abdomen and ribs hurt, but he managed to scramble to his feet; helping Amanda up. She was cold and, was hit by a wave of nausea most likely caused by the lack of food in her stomach.

Just then, the door slammed open and the cell was illuminated by intense light, both Nick and Amanda stretched their hands in front of them to block the light.

"Amanda, Nick, are you okay?" Asked Olivia

"Yeah" came Nick's voice. "We're chained to the wall"

Olivia and Fin rushed inside, holstering their weapons and running to their friends.

With a chain cutter, Finn freed them both and reached for Amanda. She winced when Fi's arm came around her back to support her.

"Easy, Fin" The guy beat me up pretty badly.

"Sorry" said Fin, supporting her by her elbow, instead.

"Where is he?" Nick asked, unable to shake the anger bubbling inside.

"We don't know, Nick. We're canvassing the area, but he was long gone before we arrived". Said Olivia.

"Come on Nick" Olivia cocked her head. "You need to be checked by a doctor"

"I'm okay, Liv"

"Even if you are. Let's get out of here"

* * *

"Do you want to tell me what happened, Amanda" You barely spoke on the way to the hospital.

She turned to look at Fin. His caring eyes looking intently at her. The memories of what happened came in a rush and his words _"You've become the very thing you fight up against"_ hammered in her mind.

She shook her head hugging herself.

"Hey, it's okay. It's okay" He rubbed her arm soothingly and not for the first time she wondered how different things would have been if she had grown up with a father like Fin . "You can tell me what happened".

* * *

"_You're not better than the scumbags you try to put behind bars for a living. You may tell yourselves that you didn't have a choice, but the truth is, you did._

Nick clenched his fists until her knuckles went white. He couldn't shake the kidnapper's words out of his mind.

"Are you okay, Nick?" Asked Olivia, leaning against the doorframe.

Nick nodded his head absent-mindedly, as he got dressed, trying to focus on something else than the kidnapper's words.

"The doctor said you should stay overnight in order to make sure that you're okay, but I can see you didn't take his instructions seriously" Olivia smiled, pointing at his buttoned shirt.

Taking some steps towards him, Olivia took a deep breath. "Nick, I know you might not be up to, but we really need to talk about what happened" She said, playing with her fingers. "I've just spoken to Amanda and…"

"Liv, I get it" Nick said, cutting her abruptly off, putting up his hands in defense. "I know why you're here and you know what, you don't need to do this. "I'll turn myself in" He said, looking intently into her brown eyes..

"What are you talking about, Nick?" Olivia was puzzled

"Isn't it, why you're here? To arrest me, for rape?" Nick's jaw was set as he spoke the words.

_tbc._


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's note: Thanks so much for your reviews and your PM's. Here's the next chapter, hope you like it._

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of L&O:SVU or its characters

* * *

**Chapter 4**

"Rape? What are you talking about, Nick?" Olivia asked, confusion written all over her face.

"What am I…? I'm talking about what Rollins told you". Nick said, looking her in the eye.

"I'm sorry Nick, but I really don't get it. Amanda hasn't told me anything, at least anything involving rape". She could tell that Nick was not following her, but Olivia chose to continue anyway. "She was hesitant at first, then, all she said was that she's worried about you. She even asked me to tell you how sorry she is".

"I don't understand" Nick stated in a whisper. His eyebrows knitted together and he seemed to be in deep concentration.

"That makes two of us, Nick."

"What did she tell you, then? Why do you feel like we need to talk about what happened right now? His voice was laced with frustration.

"Because I need a statement before IA arrives and because Amanda is sick worried about you, but nothing of what she had said thus far is enough for me to understand what really happened."

"Well, she shouldn't be worried about me, cuz she got the worst part of it." Nick said, clenching his fists.

"It's funny, cuz she says exactly the same thing about you". Olivia was scrutinizing her partner, who turned his gaze away from hers.

A gentle rap on the door interrupted their conversation.

"Amanda, we were talking about you" Olivia said, turning to look at her subordinate.

"You were?" Amanda asked, leaning against the wall next to the door.

"I was telling Nick how worried you are about him. And for some reason, he thought I was here to arrest him on rape charges. Can you explain me why, Amanda?

"I don't know either, sergeant." Amanda turned to look at Olivia. She wasn't wearing any make up which made her look like a teenager. Olivia couldn't shake the feeling that both, Nick and Amanda, were hiding something.

The buzz of Olivia's cell phone cut through the silence in the room.

"Benson" Lifting her index finger, Olivia left the room.

Amanda saw Olivia disappear into the hallway before turning to look at Nick as –crouching slightly- she shoved her hands down her pockets.

Once Olivia was out of earshot, Nick took a step forward.

"Why didn't you tell Liv the truth?" He said, searching for Amanda's face.

"What truth? That I forced you to do something you didn't want. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I, that I… rape you" She wiped the tears from her eyes before they fell onto her cheeks. "No, I just couldn't. Sorry" She said, taking a shuddering breath.

"No, that is not true. I was the one who raped you. You didn't want any of that to happen."

"But you didn't want it either…" Looking at the floor, she whispered.

Nick closed the distance between them and tentatively, put his hands on her shoulders. To his surprise, she leaned into him, wrapping her arms around him. Nick responded accordingly, running his hand along her spine soothingly, always careful not to touch the injuries in her back.

"You need to be checked by a doctor, and I'm not talking about the injuries in your back" Nick said talking against her forehead.

"No, I'm okay" He felt her shaking her head under his chin. "I promise," she leaned b**ackwards to meet his g**aze.

"Will you ever forgive me?" He asked hesitantly.

"There's nothing to forgive, we were in an impossible situation, and I know I'm being selfish, but I would not have had it any other way".

"Me neither, I would've never forgiven myself if he had laid a hand on you. I'm sorry it took me so long to make up my mind."

Amanda was about to answer, when Olivia came in. Amanda took a step backwards, turning to face Olivia. Her back brushing Nick's chest slightly.

"We have news on the kidnapper. A highway patrol was chasing after the guy. His car went off the road while trying to escape from the police. They think he is dead"

"Fin and I are going to the morgue, Warner is waiting for us"

Nick and Amanda looked at each other, Nick's hands never left her shoulders. "We want to go with you"

* * *

Despite Nick and Amanda were never able to see their captor, they wanted to go and make sure that the guy who terrorized them was indeed dead and that the nightmare was over.

When they arrived to the morgue, Dr. Warner was waiting for them. "I haven't been able to start the autopsy yet, as you know, the body has just arrived, but I'm pretty sure he died from the injuries sustained during the crash" Melinda said looking at the four detectives in front of her.

"According to his driver's license, his name is Franklyn Lawrence, 43, from New Jersey. He tried to join the army twenty five years ago, but he was rejected. He worked as a security guard for fifteen years. Divorced, no kids; he was a loner, nothing that makes him a stand out from a lot of other citizens. I'd say we have motive, he was divorced, I bet that is why he'd something against married couples" said Fin closing the file in his hands.

"Is this his body?" asked Amanda taking a step forward.

"It is, detective" Melinda turned to look at Olivia as if she didn't feel comfortable with Amanda and Nick being there.

"Can we see him?" asked Nick, sensing the tension that was building up in the room.

"Are you sure that is what you really want, detectives?" Warner asked, giving a pointed look to both Amanda and Nick. When she didn't get any response from them, she turned to look at Olivia, who nodded her head.

"If this is what you really want…" Warner lift the sheet covering the man's body.

Amanda felt a shudder down her spine and she took a step backwards. Nick had his hands on her shoulders to stabilize her.

_You did it Amanda, you forced him_. "It is not him", she said, shaking her head.

"How do you know?, you told me you never saw his face". Fin was confused

"I didn't... we didn't, but I can tell he's not the guy who kept us in that cell"

"Amanda…"

"Don't Amanda me," she spat. "I know what I'm saying, he seems shorter, his hands, are not the same. Plus, this guy is not fit, not like the one who kept us captive is…" She came closer to the body in order to get a better look at it. "And his smell, he doesn't seem to smell like him". She shook her head slightly. "His smell was different".

"He's dead, detective. You cannot expect for the smell to be the same" Warner was now trying to knock some sense into her.

"He didn't whisper against your ear, doctor" Amanda lashed out, her blue eyes like daggers.

"What do you say, Nick?" Olivia was now trying to ease the situation.

"I dunno…" Nick said, shaking his head, his gaze on the body. "It could be him".

"Hey," he turned Amanda to face him. They're right, we cannot be one hundred percent sure, but, some witnesses identified him, it was his house where we were kept in, his car was seen at the club on the days of the kidnappings…" He ran his hand over his face. "We didn't eat or drink anything in over 24 hours, we were tired, _and scared_. That is why we thought he was bigger and stronger".

"Maybe"… she took a deep breath, but she didn't sound convinced. "Does he have any connections to the NYPD? She turned to look at Fin.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because he seemed to know a lot about us"

"Yeah, but most likely he heard it on the news" Nick interjected.

"But, it was never leaked to the press," said Olivia "We were very careful. Did he tell you that?"

"No, he never gave us any explanation, we just assumed he did" Now it was Nick the one puzzled at the situation.

"If he didn't find out through the press then maybe we were his target all along. I can't shake the feeling that he knew from the start.

Amanda, first you say that this is not the guy who kidnapped you and now you're saying that he kidnapped all those couples just because he wanted to get to you two? Why would he do that? Olivia took a step closer towards the younger woman.

Amanda felt like an idiot, Olivia was right, it didn't make sense. "I don't know," she said, looking away.

Olivia sighed. "I think you two have been under a lot of stress, but this is the guy, he is dead and he won't hurt you or anyone else ever again, ok?"

"Liv's right. We should try our best to put this behind us," Nick said squeezing her shoulder gently.

"Yeah, let's do that" Amanda said, her voice so low that she barely heard her own words.

* * *

At his place, Nick couldn't help but to think about Amanda's words.

What if she's right? But then, Melinda could be right too. Was their kidnapper dead or was he trying to convince himself that Amanda is wrong because that way the nightmare would be really over…

He didn't want to think about it anymore, all he really wanted was to sleep and to put everything behind.

* * *

Amanda was on her couch, a mug of hot chocolate in her right hand while she used her left to pet Frannie's ear. She was so happy to be home, safe and sound with her furry friend, but she couldn't shut down her mind. Everyone was right, she never saw her kidnapper, but she did sense him, she smelled him, she was beaten up by him and somehow Lawrence didn't seem to befit the profile.

Taking a deep breath, she set the mug on the table in front of the TV and got into a more comfortable position for both her and Frannie. She needed to forget, to get over it. Maybe everyone was right and she was wrong. The guy kept them for less than 48hours, it could've been much worse…

* * *

Two weeks had passed since she and Nick were rescued. Olivia insisted that they should take some days off and even when neither of them were too happy to take them they ended up doing it anyway.

Walking to the precinct, Amanda gulped some air, she couldn't shake the feeling that somebody was following her.

Last night when she went to the bodega for some milk she heard some footsteps behind her on her way home. Heavy footsteps that stopped when she did and started when she started. And the night before, when she went to the park to walk Frannie, it was the same. As it was the week before, after her session with Doctor Olivet. She did her best to convince herself that the footsteps that echoed behind her were just part of her overactive imagination, but now, her raised hairs on the back of her neck told her otherwise. Someone was indeed following her.

Her heart was fluttering. She clenched her fists and turn around, fast doing her best to catch a glimpse of the man that was following her, but there was no one to be seen.

Suddenly, she felt a heavy hand on her shoulder and she jumped.

"Are you okay?" She sighed in relief, it was just Fin

"Yeah! I am," she offered him a tight smile.

"You looked nervous," he said as they both got into the precinct.

"Nah! I was just looking around"

"Maybe you should take more days off" his voice laced with concern.

"No!" her answer came too fast. "That is the last thing I need, Fin" _I need to stop thinking about what happened._

* * *

The following days passed in a blur. Both Amanda and Nick did their best to stay focused, but more often than not, thoughts of the kidnapper assaulted them both.

Nick did his best to keep an eye on Amanda, who welcomed the attention, but at the same time she did her best to keep her distance from him.

"Rollins, could you please come into my office?" Olivia called Amanda from the door.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked, signalling Amanda to take a seat.

"Yes, why do you ask, sergeant?

Standing up from her chair, Olivia came closer to Amanda. "Don't mean to offend, but, you don't seem okay. You look tired all the time and even when you do your work and seem to be focused on the task at hand, sometimes you also seem lost"

Amanda felt like rolling her eyes at Olivia's comments. But she closed her eyes instead, she knew the older woman meant well, even when something told her she wasn't gonna like where her sergeant was going.

"Amanda, are you gambling"? Olivia sounded concerned rather than mad.

Amanda opened her eyes. "What? No! It's just that…" she sighed "I haven't been feeling well lately, I can't sleep and when I finally do, I have nightmares _I see the guy next to me, I sense his breath on me_. And every morning when I wake up I feel like if I hadn't had any sleep. _I don't feel like eating either, because I feel nauseous all the time thinking about him_. And the truth is, I haven't been able to shake the feeling that he's still out there _and that he's been following me_.

Olivia nodded her head. "Now that you mention it, I haven't been able to shake something from my head, either. And I want you to be honest with me… Did he rape you, Amanda? It's just that, something that Nick said…"

"No!" Amanda cut her off, standing from her seat and walking towards the door.

"Maybe that is why you feel that way, because you've been in denial" Olivia stood up too, doing her best to prevent Amanda from leaving her office.

"I am not in denial, sergeant. That guy did not rape me and I'm not gambling. It's just that something is telling me that Lawrence is not the man who kept us captive" She was hyperventilating now.

"Ok, ok. I believe you. Just, calm down. Amanda, I do believe you, but I also think that maybe you need to talk to someone about what happened.

"Dr. Olivet cleared me out for work," she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"I am not talking about a therapist from the department, I'm talking about someone you can talk to, someone you can trust" Olivia's voice was gentle, like she could feel Amanda wanted to run.

"I've been attending my GA meetings"

"And you talk about what happened"

"_Of course not_! "Sometimes". She said, looking away.

Olivia picked a card from her desk and handed it to Amanda. "Dr. Lindstrom is the doctor who helped me after Lewis. Give him a call, I'm sure he'll be able to help you" She offered Amanda a smile.

"Thanks, sergeant! Can I leave now? I have some reports to fill out" Amanda said, taking the card from Olivia's hand before leaving the office.

She wanted to go straight to her desk but she headed to the bunks instead. Once inside, she closed the door behind her and sat on one of the beds, and leaning against the bunk bed post, she relished on the coolness of it. Her stomach was queasy and all she really wanted was to sleep.

Maybe Olivia was right, maybe she needed to talk to someone. She was so wrapped in her thoughts that she didn't hear someone coming and she was startled by a hand on her knee.

"Hey", Nick offered her a smile as he crouched in front of her.

"Hey yourself", she smiled back at him.

"Are you okay? Saw you leaving from Liv's office"

She rolled her eyes at his comment. "You too?" she sighed in annoyance. "As you probably figured, I've just had a conversation with our sergeant and trust me, I'm not in the mood to have another one with you."

She was about to leave the room, but Nick stopped her. "I'm worried about you, Amanda. I've been watching you and you seem so tired all the time, you've been distracted and you've also lost some weight." He said, taking her hand in his

"I'm not gambling" she cut him off

"I know," he said, looking straight into her blue eyes.

"Have you been following me?" _Please, say it's been you _She looked at him with pleading eyes.

"No, I swear. I've learned my lesson"

Amanda took a deep breath, she felt like throwing up. If Nick wasn't following her then the kidnapper most be the one.

"We should get back, I don't want to have problems with the sergeant." _Or her imagining things_

We haven't talked much in the last couple of weeks and I need to know, are we okay? He desperately wanted to tell her how much he's missed her, but again, this was not the moment. Not after all they've been through. He knew he needed to talk to her, to try his best to patch things up between them, but he was afraid that if he spoke now, she would turn him down

"Yes, we are" She smiled, leaning against him..

They both left the room, laughing at some silly comment Amanda made about the bunk beds and how uncomfortable they were as they closed the door behind them.

But her smile didn't last long, as Amanda came to her desk, she found a manila envelope on top of the files she was working on before Liv called her into her office. She took it in her hands and was about to open it when Fin's voice interrupted her actions.

"A woman was found beaten and raped in an alley, the victim is waiting for us at the hospital"

Amanda turned to look at Nick, the manila folder in hand. She wanted to give it to him so he could take a look at what was inside, since she was almost sure it was from the kidnapper, _who else could it be from? _But Olivia's voice interrupted her.

"Nick, go to the scene and try to find a reliable witness while Fin and Rollins go to talk to the victim" Olivia gave Nick a post it with the address jotted down.

It was a long and exhausting day and when it was finally over, Amanda didn't feel like going back home. The thought of the folder on her desk prevented her from thinking about anything else. That, coupled with the fact that they didn't have any leads on the perp made her feel uneasy.

"Are you heading home?" Fin asked, tiredness written all over his face.

"Nope, I'm going back to the station." She waved her hand at Fin.

Nick sensed that something was up and decided to go back with her.

Once in the office, she went straight to her desk, anxiety creeping on her. She took the envelope with shaky hands and she opened it.

She became hyper-vigilant, she could listen to clicking of the keyboards around the station, the clatter of footsteps, the voices that rise and fall despite of the late hour and she tensed up.

Nick was looking at Amanda from his desk and was a bit worried when she turned pale upon reading the piece of paper that was inside the envelope. In seconds he was standing next to her. He noticed that her hands were shaking and, gently, he took the piece of paper from her hand and read it.

_You haven't learned the lesson, have you, Amanda? _

_tbc…_


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N:**__ Hi everyone! Once again, thank you so very much for your kind reviews, I cherished them with everything in me._

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything of L&O:SVO or its characters.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Her heart jolt like it had been shocked by a defibrillator.

She wasn't crazy, she never was. The kidnapper was alive and he did his best to keep a tight rein on them to ensure they never forgot what happened. He might've let them go, but he wasn't willing to set them free.

"It's him, Nick. He sent it, it's from him. I know, it must be", she rambled on pulling on Nick's jacket.

Nick couldn't believe his eyes. He's done his best to convince himself that the bastard was dead, the nightmare they went through was finally over. But the piece of paper currently in his hand was evidence to the contrary.

He reached for Amanda's hand and squeezed it gently. He wanted to hug her, to calm her down, to show her he was there for her, but something inside him prevented him from doing so. It was as if his entire body was rooted to the floor. Flashing memories of what had happened almost a month ago came to his mind. _What was the guy talking about? What was the lesson Amanda failed to learn? Why was he torturing Amanda and not him?_

Nick finally pulled Amanda into a tight hug, her body pressed against his chest and he could feel her shaking under his embrace

"Shh.. It's okay, everything will be okay," he tried to calm her down while running his hand gently along her spine. It usually worked pretty well with Zara and he hoped it did the trick for Amanda too.

He desperately wanted Amanda to believe him. But with every passing second he felt his hatred towards this despicable guy grow. _How dare he? Amanda has done nothing wrong. Why was he hurting her?_

He kissed her temple, oblivious of the officers and detectives that might be watching them. The truth was that, had he been conscious of his surroundings, he would've not cared less at that moment. All he wanted was to comfort her.

"We need to talk to Liv, she'll know what to do", he said after a moment. His comforting hand drawing circles on her back.

For the first time in a long time Amanda felt safe and did her best to get her emotions in check. She knew he was doing his best to calm her down, but she could feel the apprehension in him, his body was rigid and his heart rate was beating faster than normal.

Then, his lips were against her temple and something inside her melted down, but the comforting feeling didn't last long as she realized where they were and, gently, pulled away from him.

The reason why he broke up with her in the first place was because he didn't want to risk his shield and being with her was a threat to all he has worked for. His career was in danger as long as they were together and she knew she just couldn't compete with what he loved the most after his children, his job.

She felt an emptiness in her stomach, as if the kidnapper tore her apart, somehow. This guy being alive, not only meant that he was terrorizing her, but also that, he might say, at some point, what had happened during the time he kept them captive and if it was to be known, 1PP, the IAB and even their team members will not understand why they did the things they did.

"Everything okay? He asked, his brows furrowed.

"Sure, it's just that, this is not right," she waved a hand between them while looking around, making sure nobody noticed the intimacy in their embrace.

She took a few steps back before excusing herself to the ladies' room.

Nick saw her leave and once again, he felt a twinge of guilt. He couldn't shake the feeling that everything was his fault, that he should be the one suffering and not her. He wished he could lift that burden from her and bear it himself, but he knew it was not his choice to make.

Maybe if he had listened to her, if he had shared her concern about the real kidnapper not being the one at the morgue, but once again, he failed her.

First, he had started a relationship with her even when he knew it wasn't meant to last long. His priority was to get his family back and even when he knew Amanda was going through a hard time, he was unable to turn down such a blessing, because that is what she had been for him since the start, a blessing. Then, he decided to end things with her not because he really wanted to, but because being with her meant putting his job on the line and he was not willing to make that sacrifice, because he was a coward.

Then, to prove his point, when they were kidnapped, he didn't keep an eye on her the way he should have. Yes, she was a strong, independent woman and she had proved time and time again that she could take care of herself, but they were undercover together and that meant having each other's should've gone with her to the bathroom, after all, they were posing like a couple, they would've not raised any suspicions, but he didn't. And then, he had even let that bastard touch her because of his stupid morality. She was begging him to put an end to the guy's advances on her and he wasn't fast enough. And now, the bastard was abusing her again.

In the ladies' room, Amanda splashed some cold water on her face. This guy was out there, as dangerous and mysterious as he's always been. He could see them, he was watching them, but they had no idea what he looked like and she was so damn scared, and not because of what she knew he could do with them, but because of the things he could tell.

* * *

The next morning, Amanda was running late. Once again, a nightmare has kept her awake most of the night. But this time, it was not the kidnapper's voice what woke her up, but IAB coming after them.

She got to her desk as fast as she could, hoping for Olivia to have some errand running, but when she looked into her sergeant's office she realized that she wasn't that lucky. Fin and Nick were in Liv's office and she called her in the minute she saw her arrive.

"Great" Amanda muttered under her breath. The last thing she needed on that glorious morning was to have another conversation with her sergeant.

"Nick told me about the note you got yesterday." Olivia said, looking intently into Amanda's eyes. The bags under her eyes had doubled since the last time she saw her. "The security cameras caught the office boy leaving the envelope on your desk, but he was unable to tell who left it at the reception. Sorry, Amanda, but we still have no clues as to who this guy could be."

Olivia knew what Amanda was going through and she felt horrible for not being able to do something about it.

"Nothing new on that front" Amanda retorted sharply. Letting out all the pent-up frustration and anger. She knew she was crossing the line and nobody- especially Olivia- deserved this behaviour from her, but at the moment she didn't care.

"Sorry" Amanda looked away.

Olivia regarded her carefully. Her subordinate was crumbling apart from the inside and she knew nothing she said could make Amanda open up if she didn't want to.

"A word." She said, turning her attention towards Fin.

"Rollins, Amaro, you are dismissed"

"I'm worried about your partner, Fin" Olivia said once they were alone.

"I'm worried about her too, Liv. But she's not talking to me or anyone for that matter"

"I really don't get it, Fin. Nick was there too and he's not acting in such a way. There are days in which I really don't know what to think or do about Amanda. I've recommended her to contact to my therapist, but I'm not entirely sure she will." Olivia sighed and shook her head.

"You're not planning on transferring her, are you?" Fin's his eyes dark with worry for his partner.

"No, nothing like that." Olivia shook her head adamantly. "I'm sure that would only make things worst for her and I don't want that".

Fin sighed, letting out a puff of air, he didn't know he was holding. He obviously didn't want to lose his partner.

"Would it be too much to ask to keep an eye on her? She clearly trusts you more than she trusts me." She said, lifting her brows and pushing her lips together.

"I'll do my best, Liv, but she's always been a hermit when it comes to her personal life and now, she's become even more so."

Olivia nodded slowly. "Continue working the case. You're in charge. Go talk to Warner, she just called, she said she has useful information on the perp".

* * *

At the morgue, Amanda felt a wave of nausea coming over her. For the first time since she's become a cop she couldn't take the smell.

Melinda was talking to Fin about what she was able to gather from the samples they collected at the crime scene. Amanda pretended to listen to the coroner's words, when all she really wanted to do was to get out of there as soon as possible.

"Are you okay, detective" Amanda's strange behaviour didn't pass unnoticed by the medical examiner. "You're pale detective, do you want to take a seat?" Melinda pointed to the stool to her right.

Amanda shook her head. "Do you mind taking over?" She said, turning her head towards Fin, but not meeting his gaze.

Once Amanda was out of the room, Fin turned to look at Melinda, who seemed to be deep in thought.

"What?" He asked.

"She's been acting weird for a while, hasn't she?" Melinda cocked her head a little.

"Yeah" Fin nodded. "Whoa, what are you thinkin' doctor?"

"Nothing, never mind" She said, shaking the thought out of her mind.

"No, tell me" Fin was acting like a curious kid, which, made Melinda smile.

Narrowing her eyes, she turned to look at Fin. "If I didn't know better, I'd say that she's either anaemic or…"

"Or what?" Curiosity taking the best of him.

"Never mind" She opened the folder again, focusing her attention on her findings.

* * *

Amanda went back to the squad, her normally healthy complexion was pale which didn't go unnoticed by Nick, whose been paying extra attention to her He stood up from his desk and walked towards her.

"Where's Fin" He asked her, lifting his head a little.

"At the morgue" was her only response before heading straight to the bunks.

Just then, Fin arrived, left the results he got from Melinda on his desk and went after his partner, entering the room as Amanda was about to close the door behind her.

Nick saw the scene unfold in front of him, and looking around to make sure no one was looking, he followed Fin.

"Hey, everyone is worried about you" He said, sitting down in one of the beds

"I know, and I'm sorry for that" She sat Indian style right next to him.

"There's no reason to be sorry. But it would be good if you shared what's going on"

"Nothing's going on, I'm fine" She did her best to convince her partner by smiling at him, her blonde bangs covering her eyes.

"C'mon Amanda; Melinda noticed. She even thinks that you might be sick or…"

"Or what?" Amanda cut him off sharply.

"Amanda, are you pregnant." Fin knew he was treading dangerous waters, but he knew he had to go straight to the point if he wanted to get an answer from Amanda.

"Huh?" Amanda was dumbfounded. "We have work to do" She stood up and tried to leave the room, but she bumped into Nick on her way out**.**

"Excuse me," she whispered, moving to walk away, but Nick insisted on blocking her way

"You haven't answered Fin's question" Nick kept his intense glare on her.

"What's this, an interrogation? Amanda looked between Nick and Fin, then tried to leave the room, but Nick prevented her from doing so.

"Are you?" Nick asked, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her to him.

"I don't know" She answered honestly.

Nick released his hold on her and she left the room, leaving them very confused.

* * *

The rest of the day was very uncomfortable for everyone, with Amanda doing her very best to avoid both Nick and Fin. _Especially Nick_. The end of the shift didn't come fast enough, but as soon as it did, Amanda grabbed her stuff and left the squad in a hurry.

Nick stood up from his desk in an attempt to follow her, but he was stopped- rather abruptly- by Fin's words. "Leave her alone, Nick. It's none of your business"

_It is my business_ - Nick felt like saying, but he knew he couldn't. Instead, he went back to his desk and continued working. He was pulling a double shift that night and there was no way Fin was going to be willing to cover for him, not now that he knew he wanted to go after Amanda. So he took a deep breath, they could talk later**.**

Amanda left the precinct in a rush, and when she finally arrived in her car she didn't know who she was more scared of, the kidnapper -whom she could feel behind her every step, or Nick.

She felt the urge of getting into her car and drive to wherever life would take her. Yes, she felt the urge of gambling, drinking and smoking. She might've been doing amazing in her recovery the past couple of months, but the current predicament she was in was way too much to take.

Reaching for the door, she opened it and was greeted by the nicest origami dove on her dashboard. Amanda picked it up by its shinny edges and opened it. It made a cracking sound in the otherwise silent atmosphere of her car.

There were only a few words typed on the page, but they cut through Amanda like a blade. _'The truth will set you free, Amanda'._

If she were indeed pregnant, she wasn't sure it was going to survive long with this guy terrorizing her the way he'd been lately. She was going to end up having a miscarriage before finding out the truth.

In that instant, she pondered her options, she could get back to the station and ask the experts to check the now shapeless dove for prints or fluids, but she dismissed the idea almost as fast as it came to her mind. '_What was the point?' _ Plus, this was going to raise more questions and that was the last thing she wanted or needed.

She crumpled the piece of bright paper in her hand and, putting it inside her jacket pocket, she drove home. Making a mental note to go to the drug store to buy a pregnancy test. The possibility of being expecting was killing her, but she knew she had to find out sooner or later.

* * *

He didn't know how long he'd been on the street watching her apartment window. The minute he left the precinct, he decided to go straight to Amanda's place, it didn't matter if it were 4am in the morning, they needed to talk.

'_I don't know' _ her answer was reverberating in his mind since she spoke the words**.**

Could it be possible? And, if it were, why was he feeling so… different ever since he found out of the possibility of Amanda being pregnant? He couldn't put a finger on how he actually felt, all he knew was that, mad or upset were not the right words to describe his feelings.

Anticipation bubbling in the pit of his stomach, he walked to her apartment. He desperately needed to find out. Even when, one way or another, he had- and wanted- to be there for Amanda**.**

Raising his fist, he knocked against the white wooden door of her apartment. The sound echoed in the deserted corridor.

It took her longer than usual to answer, but eventually she did.

"Can we talk"? No pleasantries, just a straightforward question, after all, that was why he was there for.

Without meeting his gaze, she let him in.

He hadn't noticed how dark and gloom her apartment was until he realized the only light illuminating the living room was the one coming from the street lamps outside .

She hadn't followed him into the living room, instead, she decided to stay by the door, her arms folded in front of her chest.

The silence in the room could be cut with a knife.

Nick didn't turn to look at her. Instead, he focused his attention on shadows cast by the car headlight as they passed the street; his arms in his pocket jacket. "Do you know now?" His voice barely a whisper

He didn't hear her reply, but he saw her nodding her head out of the corner of his eye.

"And?"

"It doesn't matter"

"What do you mean by 'it doesn't matter'? Are you having a baby or not?"

No, I'm not having a baby, Nick. But yes," taking a deep breath, she swallowed the lump in her throat, according to the tests I took, I am pregnant.

But, this is not your decision to make! Sensing rather than seeing the rage coming from her he corrected his comment. "It's not only your decision to make. What about what I want?" He wasn't sure where this last comment came from, but it just felt right.

"Huh?" She gave him a withering glare

"It's my kid too!" Nick glare was matching her now

"What makes you think it is?" Straightening up a little, she took a step towards him.

Nick felt a punch in his gut upon listening to her words, but he dismissed it. "Nice try, Rollins." His words tinged with sadness and anger. "I know, it is"

His reply took her aback. She was hoping her comment would have him storming out of her place or at least that he would give her a reason to kick him out without further explanation, but it clearly didn't have the intended effect.

"It doesn't change anything, Nick. I'm not having it"

"Why? Because it's the result of a rape?" He looked at her face, his eyes full of anger

"No, stop saying that! You didn't rape me, OK?" And, she meant what she said, she never thought of what happened between them as rape. But she couldn't bring herself to have a kid knowing that the only reason why it existed was because of a fucked up UC op.

"Look, I know you're Catholic. Hell! I know that Catholic or not you would never approve of my decision, but Nick, having it is a very bad idea" she couldn't even call it 'baby'

"You know what kind of family I come from and a kid deserves much better. What are we gonna say when it asks us about how it was conceived, or when it realized that…"

"We'll tell him or her the truth." He interrupted before she could finish. "That he or she is the best thing that could've happened to us." Nick couldn't believe his words, but he soon found that it was how he actually felt. "I'll be here Amanda, for both of you"

Shaking her head, she laughed humourlessly at his comment as she bit her bottom lip, doing her best to keep the anger and sadness locked up inside her.

"You'll be here, for us? C'mon, Nick. You broke up with me because you were afraid of losing your shield and because you wanted to come back to SVU, and now, all of a sudden you're willing to change your mind over an unplanned pregnancy?" She chewed at her bottom lip. "You're such a cliché…" she said, wiping a lone tear coming down her cheek.

"Is it the righteous man in your speaking, Nick?, cuz I'm not having any of it. Look, I don't want this kid and I'm not entirely sure you want it either. You just want to do what you think is best so everything could be good in the end, but you know what? Everything is pretty fucked up, Nick.

Narrowing her eyes at him, she continued. "Have you thought of the consequences should I decide to have it? At some point everyone will find out that it's yours and we will both lose our shields and everything that you've fought for will be lost.

Now, if you're worried about committing a sin, then don't worry about it either, cuz you won't be doing anything wrong. This is my decision, so the consequences will be mine to bear. And considering all the things I've done in my life already, I'm pretty sure that I'm doomed by now, so don't worry about me."

"It's better if you leave now, you won't make me change my mind." She opened the door for him to leave and turned her head so he couldn't see her on his way out.

Nick didn't want to leave, but he knew there was no point in staying. Neither of them were in the mood and trying to convince her of doing something she clearly didn't want to do was not the best course of action. He'd done a lot of that lately.

On his way to the door, he felt like caressing her cheek with the back of his hand, to feel the softness of her skin, but he knew it wasn't the best idea since she could see it as a tactic to convince her of keeping the baby.

When the door closed behind him, he felt like going back. He wanted to tell her that she was wrong, that he did want their baby because it was hers and even when he didn't plan on having another kid with her -or anyone else-, he wanted their child. But he didn't want to lie either, she was right, he had put his career before her, how could he ask her to sacrifice her desires when he didn't do it?

He was hurt, because she didn't want the baby, of course it wasn't planned and if not for that experience from hell he probably wouldn't exist, but it did and he was actually happy because he did want a life with her and that is exactly what he had been trying to tell her the minute he broke things up between them, but he didn't find the courage. _Was he an idiot?_ Yes, of course he was.

As soon as Nick was out of her apartment she slide down against the door. The sadness in his face upon finding out she wasn't having the kid broke her heart. She imagined he was going to be upset, which is why she tried to tell him that it wasn't his, but she never imagined he was going to be so hurt.

How could she tell him that he wasn't the reason she didn't want the kid?. Her gene pool was a mess. What if it turned out to be an addict like her, or if it inherited Kim's bipolar disorder? What if it turned out to be as messed up as herself?

* * *

The following day, Nick arrived a bit late to the office. He went straight to Amanda's desk, but she wasn't there. He checked his watch, it was 10:00 already, Amanda had never been so late… ever.

"Rollins?" He directed his question to Fin, pointing his head towards Amanda's place.

"She asked Liv for a few days off, she said there were some things she needed to take care of"

Nick's jaw was set. He had a very good idea why she had asked for those days off, but he didn't say anything.

With a heavy heart, he shot a short message to Amanda before walking to his desk.

'_Could you please, reconsider your decision'?_

* * *

Amanda was told that making an appointment in the clinic wasn't going to be easy, but when she called for the second day in a row, the receptionist might've picked on her rush and they were able to squeeze her in that same afternoon.

When she arrived, she approached the reception. "Have a seat, Ms Rollins, we'll let you know when we're free," spoke the nurse, handing Amanda a clipboard with paperwork to fill out

She chose to sit in the farthest corner of the waiting room. As she made a start on the paperwork, a little boy about five who she'd seen when she first came in approached her and with a toothy smile, handed her a small carton box.

"For you", was all he said before running back to the woman Amanda assumed was his mother.

Looking at the box in her hand, Amanda's heart started racing. She looked around trying to find someone –_to find him_- in the room but nobody stand out.

Carefully, she lifted the lid to find a small baby rattle with a post it attached to it '_Hope you're not planning to have your rapist's –Nick's-kid'_

She stood up in a jump of fear and forcing a smile she went to where the little boy was playing with some Lego blocks.

"Hey, honey," crouching to his level, she greeted the boy. "Could you tell me who gave you this?" She said, placing the box in front of the little boy

"A man," he shrugged and went back to his blocks.

"Was he young or old", she pushed a little.

The little kid cocked his head to the side and put his index in his mouth 'Old'

"Is everything okay?" A woman came from behind Amanda and took the little boy's hand in hers.

"Sorry, it's just that, your kid gave me this box and I'm wondering if you saw the person who gave it to him?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't," she said, taking her son with her.

Amanda stood up, looking for the security cameras, but the only visible one was pointing at the reception desk

She was fiddling with the box in her hands. This guy knew about the pregnancy. _Ugh!_ A cold shiver ran down her spine. She didn't want to imagine how he found out, but… what if he was there? What if he was part of the staff?

She should've asked Fin to come with her, but that wasn't an option. He would've wanted answers that she wasn't ready to give.

"Amanda Rollins"

She jumped upon listening to her name. "You're next"

"Sure", she said. Taking a last glance back and handing the clipboard to the nurse.

"The doctor will be here in a minute" was all the nurse said before leaving her alone in the cold room.

Amanda sat down on the chair opposite to the desk. She took the small rattle in her hands and suddenly she found herself playing with it.

"This guy has violated me in every possible way. My mind and soul are a wreck because of this bastard. Why would I want to continue being under his yoke?"

"Clearly, he doesn't want you around, unless he is using reverse psychology, which I highly doubt."

"Do you think is a good idea to show this to Liv? Maybe she'll be able to understand what happened without judging, _too much_." She said, looking at the Post-it in her hand.

She smiled to herself. Ever since she found out about her pregnancy she'd been talking to her kid. It was weird, but she realized that, the kid has become the only 'person' she actually felt comfortable talking to.

"Why am I going to get rid of the only person who- at the moment- understands me better than anyone?"

She wasn't sure if her previous decision was going to haunt her for the rest of her life- or not, all she knew was that, if she did as the note said, she would be letting that bastard win, and that was something she didn't want.

"You know what, I'm giving you the heads up here. As you know by now, you have a pretty messed up mother, but, you also have one of the best daddies you could've ever dreamt of. And looking back in time, you are indeed the only good thing that came from the worse experience -no inflicted upon myself by me- I've ever had

Smiling to herself, she threw the rattle to the waste basket along with the post it, she left the clinic before the doctor could come.

* * *

It was late, and the squad room was almost deserted. Nick had been texting Amanda like crazy for the past couple of days, First, asking her to reconsider her decision, but then, he just wanted to show her his support no matter what she ended up doing.

He turned his gaze to the elevators and there she was, as if he had invoked her. Rising to his feet, he intercepted her and gently, pushed her to the side before Fin could spot her.

"Hey, how have you been?"

"I'm fine, thanks. I came to talk to the sergeant. Is she still here?".

"Did you get my messages?" He didn't bother to answer her question.

"Erm… I turned off my cell phone after you left the other night."

"It's okay, just wanted to tell you that, I'm really happy to see you and that, whatever happened I'm here for you, always". He said, taking her hand in his.

She smiled. "Do you really mean it?"

"I do", he said, looking intently into her blue eyes.

"Hey girl!" Their moment was interrupted by Fin's cheerful greeting. "Thought you were taking the entire week off".

Nick let go of her hand, but remained by her side.

"That was the idea, but I need to talk to Benson". She said, pointing to Olivia's office.

"Can I talk to you?" Said Amanda poking her head in Olivia's office.

"Rollins, I'm on my way out, could it wait until tomorrow?" Olivia seemed to be in a hurry gathering her stuff.

"Actually, it can't. But I promise it won't take long".

"Hey, you don't have an X ray vision, superman, nor a super hearing. I can tell you're dying to find out what they are talking about in Liv's office". Fin snickered upon seeing Nick's gaze practically glued to Liv's door.

Nick turned to look at Fin, the older guy was right and in any other moment he would've been upset by how easily Fin could read him, but at the moment he couldn't care less.

True to her word, Amanda's conversation with Liv didn't last long

Coming out of her office, Olivia stopped at Fin's desk. "Rollins has some news for you", she said, looking at both Nick and Fin, her gaze lingering a little longer on Nick.

"By the way, have you got any more notes on the last couple of days?" Liv asked, turning her attention to Amanda.

_Not only notes, but a baby rattle too!_ "No, I haven't." She lied.

Olivia nodded slightly. "Ok, night everyone", Liv said with a wave of her hand

"What was that about?" Curiosity taking the best of Fin.

"Nothin' ". Said Amanda, shaking her head, her blonde ponytail bouncing around.

"Just came to tell the sergeant that, from now onwards, you'll be responsible for two people in the field". She said, placing a hand on Fin's shoulder.

It took a little for her answer to sink in. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a smile spreading on Nick's face.

"So, Melinda was right?" A hint of amusement in Fin's eyes. "Is the father in the picture?" He straightened in his seat and she could tell he was worried about her.

"Yes, he is", she said, looking at the both of them. And with a tight smile, she wished them good night.

"Yeah! Night Fin", said Nick grabbing his coat and running after Amanda

"You're a gossip Nick," he could hear the mocking tone in Fin's comment.

Nick slipped into the elevator just in time before the door closed

"What changed, the other night you were pretty determined?"

She considered telling him the truth, about the baby rattle and all, but she thought it was better to keep it to herself. Why putting more weight on his shoulders?

"Not much it's just that _it's your kid too and I'm actually falling in love with the idea of having it_, you're right. It's not the baby's fault and I guess the kid deserves a chance".

He nodded his understanding.

"Are you keeping it or are you"… he trailed off

"Giving him up for adoption?" She finished his sentence. "No. I think that scares me more than not having it. I'm keeping him … or her". She said with a strong nod of her head

"Will you let me… be, around?" He asked sheepishly

"Not as the father". She sighed before meeting his gaze. "Nick, as I told you, one of the reasons I wasn't sure about having the kid in the first place was because I don't want anyone finding out about the father's identity. Both our careers will be at risk and I'm not ready to lose this job or to be transferred. So, the short answer is no. If you want to be around as a friend, be my guest but that's it."

"Are you sayin' I won't be able to raise him or her, and that he will never know that I'm his dad?" He couldn't believe her words.

"I didn't say that either. All I'm saying is that, for now, nobody needs to know the truth. The kid's only mine, I promise to keep you updated with doctors appointments and such, but that's about it for now. Sorry…" Se said, pushing her lips together.

His eyes stung, she could see it and she felt horrible for inflicting so much pain on him, but the bastard was following them –_her_- and the last thing she needed was for this psycho to have any proof to take to the police. So far, he had laid low, but he could change his mind in a heartbeat, yes he was crazy like that.

Nick felt like fighting her, but he knew it was pointless. The bay was not here yet and he had plenty of time to get her trust back or so he hoped

* * *

The next weeks passed fairly quickly. She stopped feeling miserable and things in the office seemed to be OK.

Olivia had been nice to her more often than not which she appreciated. She knew Olivia was not her number one fan and deep inside she was still unsure about keeping her in the unit, but Amanda had proven that she was reliable.

Fin was doing his best to be the nicest guy on earth by making sure she and the baby were fine. He didn't let her –them- out of his sight and when it was needed to chase after a suspect, he always called for help, because he didn't want to risk her or the baby.

And Nick, he always did his very best to be there for her every step of the way- whether she wanted or not.

Despite her objections, he showed up to all but one doctor's appointments and he had bought everything the baby was going to need.

When she objected saying that his actions could be regarded as suspicious, he has dismissed her by saying that they were friends and that was it.

She wasn't entirely sure that his explanation will stick, but he let him be. After all, he seemed happier and much more tranquil than he was before.

He even helped her move into a new apartment. At the time she had told him that it was because she needed more space once the baby came, the truth was that, after the night she came back from a GA's meeting, she had found a note posted to her fridge door _'The truth will be revealed soon, Amanda. You shouldn't have kept the kid_'' so she decided to move out. The freak has gone into her house and there was no way for her to feel comfortable around anymore. Nick hadn't asked any questions because the place she had chosen was actually closer to his place and thinking about it in the long run, that would be great for him, because he'll be able to be closer to her- and his kid.

Coming into the bunks, one night at the end of the shift, Nick found Amanda pulling her hair into a pony tail..

"Hey!" He said with a smile

"Hey back to you", she answered with a bright smile that matched his. Thirty two weeks into her pregnancy and she looked stunning. And he couldn't help but to feel his heart skip a beat. He knew it wasn't because of the so-called 'baby glow', with or without a baby, she was gorgeous.

He longed to touch her, but he didn't dare. First, because they were in the office and second because she'd made it clear to him that the baby didn't make them an item. The last thing he needed was to have her thinking that the only reason why he'd been around was because of their child.

Amanda caught him looking her way, his gaze fixated on her

"What?" she asked. A nervous smile tugging her lips

"Nothing, it's just that" _I'd love to spend more time with you the way we used to before I screw up'_ "I think we need to talk".

"But we are talking, Nick, right now, that's what we're doing"

"Not here in the office".

"Well, we talked two days ago when you came _uninvited_- to my place"

"Yeah, but" he trailed of closing the gap between them

"I dunno… I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me as soon as the shift is over," he said, reaching for a loose strand of hair, tugging it behind her ear

She looked at the door, feeling a bit uncomfortable and flushed by his touch. It had been ages since he didn't touch her that way.

Yes, he had been there for the doctor's appointments, but she'd kept her guard up at all times.

But now his touch felt different, it didn't feel about the baby, no, his predatory eyes were roaming her body from head to toe and for the first time since she started noticing she felt desired.

Yes, she had felt Nick's eyes on her at all times, but she always told herself that it was because of his concern for the baby. But in this moment he knew the baby was fine, so it couldn't be about it.

She reacted just in time to feel her lips captured by his. She didn't know how, but she ended up pinned between Nick's body and the bedpost, his hand always keeping her back from actually touching the post.

In a matter of seconds the kiss deepened and she didn't know how that happened.

"We're at the office", she managed to say when his mouth started trailing kisses along her neck and jaw line. When he was about to claim her lips again, she moved away, the voice of reason winning the battle.

"If you're doing this because the time is coming you shouldn't. Once the baby arrives, we'll deal with it, but you don't need to do any of these to convince me of anything. You really don't need to get me back in order to be with the baby"

"It's not about the baby. It's about you… us," Nick thought that by now, they were past that.

"Us? You realize there's a us just weeks before the kid arrives? C'mon Nick, don't believe me to be so naïve." She said, regaining her composure

"Why do we always have to fight?" He ran a hand over his face.

"I guess because that's who we are, Nick" She chew on her bottom lip. "I have to go, I want to be able to actually walk Frannie tonight."

As soon as she left, he punched the bedpost with his fist, with Amanda he just couldn't win. She was convinced that the only reason he was there was because of the kid and he didn't know what to do to convince her that she was wrong.

* * *

"Detective Rollins", a young officer called when she was putting her gun in the locker.

"There's a man in the break room, he says his daughter was involved in a case you worked a couple of years ago and that he needs to talk to you".

She let out a puff of air, Amanda couldn't believe her luck, first Nick, then this. It would be so easy to ask Nick to take over, but it wasn't the best idea given what have just happened between them.

Rolling her eyes, she took the file from the officer's extended hand and walked to the room where the man was waiting.

"Good evening, Mr…" She glanced at the name written on the file in her hands

She had just crossed the threshold when the door closed behind her with a harsh thud.

"Good afternoon, Amanda. You've been ignoring my messages for the past months, which is why I decided to pay you a visit"

_tbc…_


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Thank you so very much for all your reviews. They make me really happy.

The story is coming to an end, soon. I hope you like this chapter.

_**Disclaimer: **__As always, I don't own any of Law and Order: SVU or its characters._

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Amanda jumped slightly upon listening to his voice. The same voice that had haunted her nightmares- the one she's been running from- now sounded so close to her- and she felt a shivering deep inside her chest. Her heart was pounding so hard and so fast, she could have sworn it was going to jump out of her.

Instinctively, she put a hand on her rounded belly. The constant drumming in her ears threatened to destabilize her, but she couldn't lose control now. Her captor was here, in her territory and that both scared her and gave her hope. The place was full with cops. He wouldn't dare to hurt her, _would he_?

Leaning against the wooden door, he crossed his arms in front of his chest, regarding her with cold eyes.

"I've been doing my best to contact you, Amanda. From day one I've been trying to help you –the way you helped me in the past- but you haven't let me. I've been trying to get you to open up, but you just seem reluctant to speak about what happened", he said, walking towards her. "I totally understand you, though. It must be tough for a woman like you to be the victim" an evil smile touching his lips.

"I am not a victim," Amanda hissed as she felt an uncomfortable pain in her back, her baby must be sensing her trepidation.

"Are you not,"? She clenched her fists at the mocking tone in his voice. "Oh, of course, I get it, you consider yourself the perp, but Amanda, you're not. Amaro was the one who hurt you. I was there, remember?." His body was closer to her now and she could feel his breath fanning her right ear.

She closed and opened her eyes in an attempt to erase the memory of what had happened eight months ago. Knowing that the bastard had forced them and seen them having sex made her sick. Everything went hazy as she felt bile in her throat, she started taking long, deep breaths, as she took some steps forward with her arms outstretched and leaned against the table in front of her.

"Why haven't you told them the truth? She heard his steps and she could sense him standing right behind her, his eyes boring into her back.

"The truth about what? That you are hurting people, ruining lives, ruining marriages?" She spat at him, pouring as much anger into her words as possible, but she didn't dare to turn around to face him.

"Is that the idea you have about me, detective? How could you say all those things when you don't even know me, because I can tell you don't even remember my name, do you? Even with the file in your hand, you haven't been able to put a face to my voice, have you? He snatched the file from her hand, leaning closer and pressing himself against her side.

"Ruining lives? How could you say that? When all I've done in my life is helping people" He grabbed her hand and slammed it against the table, preventing her from moving.

Taking a deep, calming breath she did her best to keep the conversation flowing, she needed to find out who he was and what were his true intentions. He was hurting her and she knew her chances of getting away unharmed were slim. "You had this all planned out from the start, didn't you?" She turned her head slightly, but her fangs prevented her from looking at his face.

"Not exactly. But the fact is, I didn't come here to talk to you, detective. I came here to talk to your superior. Sergeant Benson needs to know that a crime has been committed and that two of her detectives failed to report it. Best case scenario, you and Amaro will be suspended for breaking the department's rules. But with both your background and his, I'd say that you're facing a suspension or even jail time." He said, his tone tinged with amusement.

In any other moment, Amanda would've rolled her eyes at his comment, but she found herself becoming anxious, anticipation and worry building up inside her.

Casting furtive glances to the door, she considered running towards it. The door wasn't far, if she moved fast enough, then she_- them she corrected_- would be free. But that was exactly what stopped her from playing the hero, she couldn't take any chances, not with her baby's safety at stake. She pushed her lips together as her brain processed and searched for the best option. She needed to come up with a plan and fast!

"Why do you care so much about us? You and the rest of the investigators in change of the case think that you didn't plan this from the start, but I know you did" She moved ever so slightly in an attempt to free her hand from his grip.

"What makes you think you're so important, Amanda?" This time, she did roll her eyes. The guy seemed to like saying her name way too much to her liking.

"Oh, I know we're important to you, or else, you wouldn't be following our every step." She straighten up a little, the ache in her back increasing every passing second.

"Don't flatter yourself." He gave her some space, but didn't let her hand go.

"Then why have you done this?" She was really puzzled at the moment. If he was telling the truth, then why risking so much over something that wasn't important at all?

"Because I despise people that wish to play Mr. or Mrs. Right, when in reality, they're rotten from the inside. For example, your boyfriend, pretending to be a gentleman, when he's not better than any other man on this planet. He even cheated on his wife, did you know that? Of course you did" He let out a puff of air, his words full of rage.

"No he didn't" Amanda said shaking her head.

"No? Are you telling me he didn't start a relationship with you while he was still married to Maria?" His grip on her hand strengthen as he pushed her further against the table and trapping her bulging belly.

"Wait a sec, is this because of … Nick?" She was officially lost. This guy had been following her, _not_ Nick. And what about the notes, they were addressed to her…

"How sweet! You thought it was about you! I don't give a damn about you detective Rollins. You're a mess, a loose cannon, everybody knows that. What I really want is to show the NYPD what a pathetic human being Nicolas Amaro is. He accused Maria of cheating on him, but he cheated on her too… what a hypocrite!"

"I still don't get it, how does that affect you?" her brows furrowed deeply.

"I think gambling too much had blurred your wit, detective. It affected me because of the rumours. My career was affected by it, Maria ended things with me, she wasn't deployed again, not because of her family, but because she didn't want troubles, my marriage…"

And in that moment it hit her, she was finally able to put a face to the voice currently rumbling in her back.

"Captain Harris" Her voice was above a whisper. "But, your marriage was over long before you met Nick," she said, more to herself than to him. In the light of her new discovery, she felt a bit hopeful. This guy wasn't the crazy psychopath she has imagined, no, he was a disturbed man who happened to have an Achilles' tendon, all she needed to do was to play her cards correctly.

"What about your daughter, have you seen her? How do you think she'll feel when she finds out what you've done?" Amanda felt stronger now, a sheer of hope shinning though, as she sensed her words had formed a small crack in his veneer. But, it didn't last long.

"My daughter doesn't talk to me at all, and I have to thank your boyfriend for that, too" He hissed.

"Nick had nothing to do with that, your daughter had been a stranger to you long before we cross paths with you. Plus, he, too, has lost his daughter". " Amanda persisted. "He's not able to spend as much time with Zara, anymore. He's struggling too.

"Yeah, but he has a son and we know he's having another kid" She flinched upon sensing his stretched palm on her belly.

"But you can't hold a grudge against him over this. This baby was not planned" – _a neither was Gil_ - but she chose to keep that to herself.

"Which is why I don't understand why you chose to keep it; you don't look like the maternal type to me. Was it only because you didn't want to follow my advice? Because if that is the reason why you keep it, let me tell you that, it's not a valid one, not when you're planning to be a mother".

"Most people have kids without a reason at all, at least, I have a good damn one" She spat, losing her temper slightly. _Where the hell was everyone? Hadn't they noticed that something was wrong?_

He huffed. "He left you once, what makes you think that he will stay this time, huh? That he won't leave you, the way he left Maria?"

"He didn't leave her, Maria left him." She panted through the pain in her back. The position she had been held in was doing nothing to make things any better.

"Stop talking like that about her" He spun Amanda around forcefully so she was now facing him, her body pressed against him and the table.

"You're in love with Maria, aren't you?" Amanda held his gaze

"Don't you dare speak of her, cuz you two are not the same" He shook her rather roughly.

"I never said I am and I have never wanted to be. But, you do realize that with what you've done, by coming here," she pointed her finger to the room, "you've pretty much ruined your chances to be with her"

"Those chances were ruined by Amaro long time ago." A tone of defeat in his voice.

"And you want to ruin him the way you think he's ruined you?" _Pathetic!_

Letting out a puff of air that made her fangs fly away from her face, Amanda managed to raise her hands in defense. "Why don't we take a seat and we chat calmly"

But he wasn't in the mood for that, and she should've known better.

* * *

The squad was almost deserted now, only a few officers working the night shift were there.

Coming out of the bunks, Nick went straight to the lockers to put his gun away. After punching the bed post a couple of times he did feel better and now he saw things with a clear head. If he wanted to get Amanda back, he needed to change his strategy, because talking about his feeling wasn't going to help at all, considering she didn't believe a word he said.

Nick turned around upon hearing Fin's cheerful greeting. Sometimes he didn't understand why Fin enjoyed the night shift so damn much.

"Where's Rollins? I brought her some donuts from her favourite place." Fin said as he put a paper bag on top of Amanda's desk.

"She left a while ago". Nick answered, looking at his watch.

"No, she didn't, her car is still in the parking lot" Fin's head was cocked to the side, his brows furrowed. "Maybe she's in the ladies room," he offered.

"I don't think so, I'm telling you man, she left an hour ago or so" Nick smiled, nervousness creeping inside him.

"If she left, why didn't she take her car?" Fin had a point, especially of she wanted to arrive home on time to spend some time with Frannie.

"Hey guys! Nick, why are you still here?" Olivia's voice interrupted their conversation.

"I was just leaving," Came Nick's response, his face set in deep thought.

"What is going on?" she asked, looking at both his co-workers.

"I dunno, but I don't like it. Nick here says that Amanda left the squad about an hour ago, but her car is still parked in the lot"

"And you saw her leaving?" Olivia pondered looking at Nick.

"No, I didn't. But she did mention she wanted to arrive home early to take Frannie for a walk."

"Hey" Fin said, stopping one of the officers as he passed next to him. "Have you seen Rollins?"

"Yes, sr. She's in the break room with a man who came here looking for her."

"What is his name, what does he look like?" Nick took a step forward. Something wasn't right, he could feel it in the pit of his stomach.

"He's a regular guy, sr. I didn't pay much attention," he admitted sheepishly. "All he said was that, detective Rollins had worked a case a couple of years back where his daughter was involved and that he needed to talk to her about it. I gave detective Rollins the file and she went inside. Haven't seen her leave the room" He shrugged.

"Have you listened to something unusual coming from the room, a scream, a plea for help?" Nick felt anger bubbling inside him.

"No, sr. She closed the door behind her and she hasn't come out since"

Nick walked towards the break room, determination written all over his face.

"Nick wait"! Called Olivia from behind. "We don't know what's going on, she might be talking to a victim.

"A victim's family member? She's been there for over an hour, I think we all know by now that that is not the case" He shook his head repeatedly.

Turning around and walking towards the door, Nick and Olivia were stopped in their tracks as they saw Amanda coming out of the room, her hair was a bit dishelmed and Nick could sense the worry emanating from her. He was about to walk towards her to ask her is she was okay, when he noticed the man standing behind her, grabbing her arm with his left hand. He was pressing a gun against Amanda's spine as he guided out of the room.

Nick moved his gaze from Amanda to the guy. "Harris, is it you? What the hell?" Nick furrowed his brows in confusion. He has seen this guy before… he has beaten him up, but, _what was he doing at the station?_

"It's him", she mouthed. Amanda turned to look at Nick, then she turned to look at Olivia, who was standing next to Nick and then to Fin, who was slightly behind his co-workers.

She was trembling from the inside. The gun was pressed against her back and she knew none of the officers in the precinct were going to risk shooting at this guy while he held her hostage. She thought about praying, but she wasn't sure it was going to work. There were too many shadows in her past, too much baggage, she just didn't feel worthy of any mercy. But it wasn't fair, Nick and her baby deserved better… much better. She had decided to have her child and she was making damn sure that he or she has the chances she never did in her life.

She was right, Harris was not the psychopath she always thought he was, but he was indeed on the verge of craziness and he was mad, really mad at Nick and all he wanted was to get back at him

All of a sudden, Amanda's demeanour changed, her resolve set. She might've been his victim for almost eight months, but she wasn't going to let him ruin her life anymore.

So, she made a choice. The only one she could given the circumstances.

Amanda let her body go completely limp. The guy was not prepared for the dead weight against him and stumbled backwards. She felt his grip on her arm loosen and she took the opportunity to kick him in the groin. He doubled over and groaned in pain, but a few seconds later, he recovered a little, spun around and shot in her direction, grazing her arm.

Amanda panted through the pain as it turned into something sharper. Even when she wasn't sure what was causing it, her wounded arm or the baby. She'd been shot before, but she had never been pregnant.

"I think you said this was not about me", she said between pants as a stronger wave of pain hit her. She wanted to let her team know what was really going on, but she couldn't find the words. She was losing blood and the pain was snaking around her body at an uncontrolled speed.

Nick wanted to run to her side, but he was unable to, as Harris had his gun trained on her. So he decided to start talking to him in a desperate attempt to direct his rage towards him instead of her.

"You should've never done that" He spat.

"Let's calm down, ok!" Olivia said, raising both her arms, showing the guy that she was unarmed. She clearly didn't want to startle him as she could see the guy was on the edge.

Coming to stand closer to Nick, she whispered in his ear. "Don't do or say anything stupid. If he gets spooked, he could start shooting and by now we know that Amanda is expendable to him.

"What detective, you seem concerned about her welfare," Harris said, getting Nick and Olivia's attention.

"Why are you so worried about her? Do you feel guilty about what is going on? … Well, you totally should, because it's on you.

Nick shook his head in confusion. He wanted to rip the head off this guy, he wanted to make him suffer the way he had made Amanda suffer.

"Have you told your sergeant what really happened months ago? Does she know how you raped your partner and then decide to let it go as if it was nothing?. Does she know that right now you're not only concerned about your girlfriend, but about your kid too?".

Amanda was feeling dizzy; the pain and the loss of blood too much to bear. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw someone to whom nobody had been paying attention.

Fin got closer to Harris, walking slowly towards him in an attempt to snatch the gun out of his hand, but Harris spun around in time to face Fin who had his own gun pointed at him. Nick took the opportunity to launch himself against the Harris, hoping to knock the man off his feet. The guy's gun flew out of his hand and it bounced across the concrete floor. The two of them went down to the floor in a tangle, both men struggling hard to win over the other.

The echoing ring of a gunshot filled the air around them before the officers had the opportunity to understand what was going on.

Nick rolled away from the guy and no one was able to tell what had happened until Nick spotted Amanda on her knees, her right arm raised with Harris' gun in her hand. It didn't take them long to realize what had happened as they saw a pool of blood forming beneath Harris. Two clean gunshots straight to the chest.

The gun in Amanda's hand was removed by Olivia, as she immediately lose balance. Nick was by her side in a matter of seconds, quickly realizing her sweater sleeve was soaked as she had lost a lot of blood.

"We'll take you to the hospital" Nick let her know, taking off his jacket and covering her with it as he hugged her tightly against him.

She was trying hard to keep her breathing steady, but the tiredness was too much for her. Amanda tried to keep her eyes open as she heard Nick's voice in the distance speaking reassuringly against her ear, and with that sound, she slipped out of consciousness.

_tbc… _


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** H_ello everyone! First of all, I want to offer an apology, I am so very sorry for the delay in posting the new chapter. I got an eye infection and was unable to open my eyes for almost two weeks, then the doctor forbade me being anywhere near a computer/cell phone/tablet screen. Fortunately, I'm much better now and here is the last chapter._

_I want to thank you all for your continuous support. I am not very good at replying to reviews, but I do cherish them._

_This story took a very different –lighter- path than the one I originally envisioned, still, I hope you like what you read._

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of L&O:SVU or its characters.

* * *

**Chapter 7**

The trip to the hospital wasn't long, but Nick felt it lasted an eternity. He felt his chest constricting, the panic clutching and rising, he wanted to punch someone, he wanted to do something to help her. Once again, he hadn't been there for her and that hurt him more than anything.

Amanda's heartbeats were stable even when she didn't regain consciousness. Her breathing was raspy and she had pearls of sweat under her hairline. Her beautiful features were constricted in a grimace and he knew she was in pain.

"You're gonna be okay, Amanda. You have to be okay. _Todo está bien, todo va a estar bien_" he whispered to her ear as he ran a hand over her soft hair. He felt the ambulance walls closing in on him, and he felt as the air supply has been cut from him. Why the damn ambulance couldn't go faster?

The paramedics were working on her fast. They bandaged her arm and they proceed to check on the baby.

Nick remembered one of the paramedics asking how far along Amanda was. He didn't remember answering, though, but he knew he had, because he saw the paramedic nodding his head.

He heard the paramedic calling the hospital to let them know the state Amanda was in. Nick overheard them saying that, the baby's heart rate was too fast, which he assumed meant something was not okay.

When they finally arrived, Nick made sure to be by her side all the time, holding tight onto her hand. He didn't want to let her go, he was so afraid of losing contact, but then a nurse asked him to step aside and reluctantly, he followed her instructions. He would've fought the nurse's instructions, but he didn't want her wasting time arguing with him when she could use that time taking care of Amanda and his baby. In all honesty, despite his wishes to stay with Amanda, he didn't have a valid argument.

"I'm her…" he shook his head "I'm the father", was all he said to the nurse, not letting Amanda out of his sight as she was taken to the OR"

Just then, Olivia and Fin arrived to the hospital. Both spotting Nick almost immediately.

The doctor came out for a brief moment to ask Nick to wait outside and Nick found himself grabbing him by the white coat sleeve. "It's not her due date yet, but please, save her. No matter what, she comes first" He said, looking intently into the doctor's eyes. He didn't realized how strong his hold until he released his hold on the doctor, who nodded his head reading the despair in Nick's face and actions. Nobody had told him that Amanda's life or the baby's were at risk, but he wanted to make sure that, if it came down to that, Amanda was going to be okay. He just didn't want them to waste precious time coming back to ask him.

When the doctor disappeared behind the door where Amanda was pushed in minutes earlier, Olivia and Fin walked towards Nick.

"How is she?" Fin was the first to voice the question.

Running a hand over his face, Nick shook his head. "I dunno"

"You asked the doctor to save her, Nick, is she at risk? Did you discuss this with her, is this what she wants?" Olivia asked him, getting a bit closer, searching his eyes in the process.

"No, we never did…" he gave her a sad smile before returning his gaze to where he thought Amanda was brought. "Actually, we almost never discussed anything"

"Then why did you say it?" Fin asked, his brows furrowed in confusion. He knew his partner and something told him she wasn't going to be too happy with Nick's choice. He and Amanda didn't talk much about the baby, but he knew that, despite everything, she wanted the best for her child.

"Because she's who matters the most. I dun…I dunno what I'd do if I lose her." There, he had finally put into words what had been burning in his chest for a very long time.

Olivia and Fin turned to look at one another. The news barely surprised them, they both had voiced their suspicions about their co-workers' relationship before, but it did surprise them to learn about Nick's feelings.

They both saw Nick went to the plastic chairs in the waiting area, as he sank into one of the very uncomfortable chairs and buried his face in his hands. He knew Olivia and Fin's minds most be running very fast at his confession, but he didn't care, all he hoped was that, neither of them dare to ask him anything about his relationship with Amanda because he was not ready to give any explanations to them- or anyone- at the moment. He knew there was a lot to explain to both of them, especially after what had just happened at the precinct, but this was not the moment. Once he was sure that Amanda was okay, he'd be more than willing to explain whatever they want him to.

The minutes stretched into hours. Every time a nurse came to the waiting area where Nick, Olivia and Fin were, Nick would stand up waiting on some answers, but every time all he got from the nurses was a sympathetic look when all he wanted was to know about Amanda's condition.

Nick didn't notice when Fin went to the cafeteria until he came back with coffee for all. Olivia accepted with a smile the styrofoam cup that Fin offered her. But Nick politely declined. He didn't feel like drinking anything.

"Family of Amanda Rollins" Nick stood up immediately upon listening to the doctor.

"Me!... Us, Nick corrected" pointing at Liv and Fin. The three of them now standing close to the doctor.

"The wound in her arm was superficial, but the pregnancy complicated her state since the blood loss coupled with the adrenaline sprung her labour along. She's out of surgery now and she should recover well.

Nick let out a puff of air that he didn't realize he was holding inside.

"What about the baby?" Nick looked at the doctor.

The doctor hesitated before answering. "You're the father, right?"

"Yes" Nick nodded his head, feeling horrible for having chosen Amanda over the baby a few hours ago, but not regretting it, Amanda was and always will be his priority no matter what.

"The baby is okay. He was born before time and he is in the incubator now, but he is doing pretty well. All his organs are functioning properly and he is a very strong baby.

"He?" Nick asked with a smile. His heart was relieved and full of joy upon hearing the news. He had a son, another son, he corrected. He felt that his heart was finally at peace now that he knew that two of the most important persons in his life were safe.

"That is right, you have a son" The doctor said with a smile sensing Nick's relief. "He's in the nursery, whenever you're ready to meet him."

"What about her, can I see Amanda?" He asked, his eyes full of hope.

"She hasn't regained consciousness yet, but if you want to see her, a nurse will take you to her room"

Nick thanked the doctor and turned to where Olivia and Fin were standing.

"Congratulations, dad". Olivia hugged him, which felt kind of weird now. For a second he had forgotten that she knew- that by now everybody knew. Fin shook hands with him, even when he didn't feel quite comfortable with the situation, but he was wise enough to keep it to himself. Both Nick and Amanda were very private about their personal lives.

Nick felt the hesitation in Fin's eyes. Though Nick knew that he'll need to confront him and Olivia with the truth at some point, right now all he really wanted was to enjoy the moment and to see Amanda.

"Are you gonna meet your kid" Fin asked him, looking around to find the directions to the nursery. He sure as hell was dying to meet the baby..

"Actually, I'd like to see Amanda first"

"Wouldn't it be better to see your son first, the doctor said you can" Olivia said, placing a hand on his arm.

"Could you please visit him for me, I really want to see Amanda" He said, looking at both Fin and Olivia.

"Sure, we'll check on him" Olivia said, nodding at Fin as they made their way to the nursery.

* * *

Nick entered into the room where Amanda was. She was sleeping so peacefully that he feared waking her with his presence. As quietly as possible, he took a seat on the chair next to her bed. She looked a bit pale, her hair a mess on the pillow and he found himself smiling at the sight of her. An IV was hooked to one of her arms, the other was in a sling, but otherwise she looked as if she was sleeping. He bend over and placed a soft kiss to her forehead. She stirred a little and he resumed his position in the chair. On the one hand, he knew she needed to rest, but on the other, he couldn't wait to share with her the good news. Taking her hand into his, he brought it to his lips and kissed the tip of her fingers.

He must've fallen asleep for a few minutes as a slight movement of her hand woke him up.

"Hey," he said in a low voice when he saw one of her eyes crack open.

She closed her eyes tightly before opening them, shaking her head a little in the process.

"Hey," she answered, her voice groggy.

"How are you feeling, do you need anything?" He hurried to help her when he noticed she wanted to sit.

She just shook her head, happy to have him by her side to help her.

Looking intently into his brown eyes, she took a shaky breath. "How is…"

"The baby? He completed her question.

She nodded, a shadow of worry clouding her blue eyes.

"He is okay," he answered with a smile, placing a kiss to her temple. "He was premature, but the doctor says he's doing great" He looked intently at her. "He took after you"

She smiled brightly upon hearing the news. "It's a boy," she placed a hand over her mouth, tears pooling in her eyes. Just then, a shadow of something Nick wasn't sure what it was covered her face. "I hope he doesn't. I hope you're wrong" She said, looking away.

For a moment he was confused by her words, but then, realization washed over him as he took Amanda's hand in his to get her attention. "I know he did, he's a fighter, just like his mom and I'm proud. There's no doubt he took after you" He kissed her fingers.

Looking into his brown eyes, she knew there was no point arguing with him. "Have you seen him? I want to meet him"

"No, I haven't"

"Why not?" she asked him, her brows furrowed. "Is something wrong?" she asked, attempting to get up.

"No, he is fine, he really is" He grabbed her by her arms to stop her. "It's just that…"

"What, what is it Nick?"

"I want us to meet him at the same time"

She closed her eyes and sighed in relief. "That is very sweet from you, thank you," she gave him a smile.

"You're his mom, it was only fair that you got the chance to see him first" He looked away and then his gaze was fixed on her again. "Are you okay with him being a boy? I mean, we never discussed anything about gender or names or anything…" he trailed off.

"Are you kidding? I would've loved it anyway, but the truth is that, I don't know what would've done with a baby girl," she answered truthfully. And you're right, I know we didn't" She said, cupping his cheek in her hand and forcing him to look at her. "I'm sorry, I really am." She pushed her lips together as she searched for the right words. "It sounds so lame now, I just, I just didn't want him to think we were close," she said, taking away her hand and placing it on her lap.

"How would he know?"

She wasn't sure how much to reveal, she knew he was going to be upset, but at the moment, she saw no point in keeping anything from him anymore. "Because he was following me around. He would've known if we spent a lot of time together and I didn't want that" it was her turn to look away.

"Wait, he was following you? Why didn't you tell me?

"Not now Nick, please," she said, shaking her head, her eyes pleading him to drop the subject.

"Yeah" he answered, making a mental note to finish this conversation in a better moment. Taking a deep breath, he decided to change the topic into something better, something that he knew will make her smile. "Would you like to meet him?

"Very much" she said, biting down on her lip.

"Lemme check if they can bring him," he said, placing a hand on her leg before standing up.

"Hey, am I interrupting?" Olivia's voice made them both turn to the door.

"No" they both answered a unison

"Can we talk?" Olivia directed her gaze towards Amanda, letting her know she wanted to speak to her alone.

Nick felt Amanda tense under his touch at Olivia's suggestion.

"Actually Liv, I was…"

"On your way to find out if we could meet the baby" Amanda cut him off. "It's okay," she reached for his hand and squeezed it.

"You sure?" he mouthed, turning his back to Olivia, blocking her view

A nod of Amanda's head was his only response.

"Okay, I'll be right back then" He gently patted Amanda's leg.

Both women saw him leave before Olivia went to the chair where Nick had been seated seconds before.

"So, how are you feeling?" Olivia asked her with a smile.

"Okay, I guess" Amanda turned her head away.

Olivia noticed her subordinate's body language. She knew Amanda wasn't comfortable with her in the room asking questions, but she also knew it was necessary.

"I saw the baby" Olivia said, looking for a reaction.

At the mention of her baby, Amanda's head turned back to Olivia. "Yes?" Her face lit up and she smiled.

Olivia hated having used the baby to get Amanda's attention, but at the moment it was either the baby or bringing Harris up to the conversation and she knew the baby was the best option.

"He is a sweetheart" Olivia said with a smile.

Amanda smiled back and then pushed her lips together. "But you're not here to talk about my kid, are you? No," she said, looking straight into Olivia's eyes. "You want to know how much of what Harris said back at the precinct was true" Amanda said matter of fact.

Olivia nodded slowly, holding Amanda's gaze. "I want you to be honest with me, I want you to tell me what happened, what really happened when you and Nick were taken by Harris. Is it true, did Nick… Did he rape you?

"No" Amanda shook her head

"Then, it was Harris?" Olivia didn't know if Amanda had been raped, but she knew something really bad had happened to her. And even when both Nick and Harris said that the baby was Nick's, she couldn't be sure of anything.

"No!" Amanda answered, her eyes wide. "For God sakes, no!"

"Then what happened"? Olivia put her hands on her lap, waiting for a response from the younger woman.

Amanda looked away, clearly not wanting to talk about that.

"I won't leave until you talk to me. I promise that, whatever you tell me, won't leave this room" Olivia said reassuringly.

Amanda sighed in defeat. She knew there was no way she'll get away with it this time, so she chose to focus her attention on the ceiling.

"Is Nick the baby's father"

"Yup" Amanda answered, still refusing to meet Olivia's gaze.

"So, did Nick…?"

"Nick didn't rape me" Amanda cut her off. "He never did. What happened was something totally different." She shook her head, her hand playing with the hem of the bed sheet. "Back then, when we were taken, we had no idea who the guy was. We knew he was crazy, but that was it- he wanted us to play a stupid game, he said he was going to make us realize the big mistake we made by getting married, but neither Nick nor I were willing to. He got mad cuz we didn't follow his rules and then, out of the blue he snapped and claimed to know our true identities." Amanda made a pause to take a deep breath. "After taking his time torturing us" She knit her furrows, shuddering at the memories, "he assured us that he will let us go if Nick gave me to him. Nick refused to play his game, that is when he made him choose, he told Nick that he either let him rape me or that he must do it himself. Nick couldn't decide, he just didn't want to put me though such thing, but Harris' advances on me were clear and I was the one who implored Nick to make a choice, I was the one who practically forced him to… Nick didn't rape me" She finally turned to look at Olivia, a lone tear running down her cheek.

Amanda wiped the tear with the back of her hand," then he let us go and you know the rest." She said with a slight shrug of her shoulders.

Olivia couldn't believe what she had just heard. She knew something bad had happened and that there was much more into it than what both Amanda and Nick said after the ordeal, but she didn't imagine what her subordinates went through. A part of Olivia wanted to end the conversation right then and there, but she knew better, she needed to get the truth out of Amanda now that she seemed forthcoming to talk about it. It broke her a little to have to ask Amanda these questions now, but if she didn't, Amanda might shut down again and it was going to be for the worse in the long run.

"Did Harris contact you after the note that you showed us?"

Amanda gave Olivia a pointed look. She shook her head, something inside told her the older woman knew the answer already, but for some reason, she wanted to hear it from her.

"Yeah, on several occasions"

"Why didn't you tell me, why didn't you tell Nick?"

"Because I was afraid, of what Nick might say, of what you and IA might think if you listened to Harris' version." Suddenly she turned to look at Olivia, her blue eyes full of fear. "Please, they cannot find out what really happened. Harris is dead, I don't want Nick to be harmed by him. That is what Harris wanted all along. A lot of people saw him, they heard what he said. He was delusional, we can say it wasn't true and we would not be lyin', cuz somehow it wasn't.

Olivia could tell that Amanda was hyperventilating. "Calm down, I won't talk to IA, I promise I won't, okay?" She said, placing her hand on Amanda's arm to reassure her.

"Sorry for what I'm about to ask, but, considering what happened, why did you choose to keep the baby?

Olivia knew that talking about the baby will calm her down and she proved her point when Amanda answered. "Honestly, I don't know. I was so determined to not having him… I mean, I never envisioned myself as a mother, but then, totally unexpected, he was here and I found myself talking to him more often than not." It was like having someone I could trust implicitly, someone who knew how I felt and maybe even why I felt the way I did. Stupid huh? Amanda smiled.

"Actually, I think it's sweet."

"Anyway", Amanda said, rubbing her eyes when some tears threatened to come out. "That is what really happened"

"What about what Harris said, is it true that you and Nick are in a relationship?

"Were…, but it didn't last long anyway"

Olivia lifted a brow in disbilief

Amanda elaborated. "It started right after my relapse. After you found out and all, I decided to tell Fin and Nick the truth. That night, we went to a bar, had a couple of drinks and I told them the truth, - or most of it.

That night, Nick took me to my house and since then, we started spending time together, eventually one thing lead to another and we found ourselves in a relationship. But it didn't last long, after the Wilkes fiasco, IA threatened him with taking away his shield if he made any mistakes and he was afraid of what they might think if they found out about us so he broke up with me.

Although she saw the shrug Amanda used to dismiss her recount, she could feel the pain in the younger woman's words.

"You do know that sleeping with a co-worker is nowhere near raping a co-worker, right?" she asked, giving Olivia a pointed look, her eyes glassy with unshed tears.

"We are not together now and we were not together when we were kidnapped" she said not leaving Olivia's gaze. "You'll keep your promise, right? IA won't hear a word of what I've shared? Even when Amanda knew that Olivia was a woman of her word she still felt somehow worried about Olivia changing her mind. After all, they had indeed bent the rules at some point.

With a sigh, Olivia leaned against the backrest of the plastic chair. "Not about what you told me, I gave you my word. But by now they already know about your relationship with Nick and most likely, there will be consequences. Not severe ones though, but consequences nonetheless.

Amanda nodded her head. "I understand"

A soft knock on the door made both women turn around. "May I come in?" Nick's head peeked into the room. "Look who's here" he said, stepping aside as a petite nurse came into the room pushing a plastic crib.

Instinctively, Amanda sat straighter on the bed and lift her head to look inside the crib. She felt her heart burst with joy as she saw the small baby lying on his back. He was swaddled in a blue blanket with matching cap. Amanda's hand went to her mouth as she watched in awe the sleeping baby.

"Can I hold him?" Her voice barely above a whisper. Although her question was directed to the nurse, her gaze never left the baby's sleeping form.

"Sure" the petite nurse said with a smile, as she lifted the baby boy from the crib and ever so gently placed him on Amanda's waiting arm. She felt so bad for not being able to hold her baby with both arms, but one of them was in a sling and even when she could've forced herself to use it, she was afraid of not having enough strength to hold the baby properly. Nick saw that she was struggling and came to her aid. Sitting down next to Amanda on the bed, he took the baby from the nurse's arms and, taking most of the baby's weight, he rested him on Amanda's injured arm, so she could touch him with her healthy one.

Amanda ran the back of her hand along the baby's chubby cheeks', his little mouth puckered, lips twitching as he slept. His olive skin was the softest velvet she'd ever touched, his long lashes rested on his cheeks. He was like the perfect combination of her and Nick.

"He'll wake up soon, you have to feed him and when he goes back to sleep, I'll come to take him back to the nursery" The nurse said, smiling at the image in front of her.

"Okay" was all Amanda muttered while she kept looking a the sleeping baby currently in her arms.

"He's healthy, right?" Amanda's question caught the nurse halfway past the door. Even when Nick had assured her that the baby was, she felt the need to double check. The petite woman turned around and with a reassuring smile, confirmed the words Nick had spoken before. A bit premature, but otherwise perfectly healthy.

"Thanks" Amanda said with a bright smile and turned her attention to the baby.

Nick and Amanda were both on the bed with their baby cradled between them. Sensing that it was too private a moment, Olivia excused herself. She had gotten the answers she'd been looking for. Casting a last glance at Nick and Amanda, she said her goodbyes and left the room. What happened to them was not fair and they didn't deserve to face the consequences that were coming their way, but at least they had a reason to be happy, and maybe, just maybe, a reason to patch things up between them too.

* * *

"I think he looks like you" Amanda said.

"Nah," I told you what the doctor said, this little guy here is very strong, and he could only had taken that from you.

"Then there's both of us in him," she said with a smile.

"Have you thought of any names?" That was another thing that they never discussed, but he chose not to say that out loud. The last thing he wanted was to pick up a fight over their kid's name. "I dunno, maybe you want to name him after your father," he said with a shrug

"No!" she said, shaking her head adamantly. Looking how Nick's brow furrowed at her reaction she quickly added. "I loved my dad, but I don't want to name my baby after him"

They both fell silent for a moment. The baby's soft breathing the only audible noise in the room.

"But I have been thinking… Nick is a good name, you know?" she said, fiddling with the baby's blanket refusing to meet Nick's gaze.

"Nah. I don't want him to be named after me.

"Kay. What about Gabriel, or Daniel, or Thomas…?"

He gave her a funny look. "Why those names specifically?"

Because they both sound good in English and in Spanish" A small shrug raised her shoulders.

A ghost of a smile touched his lips and he couldn't help but to feel hope upon listening to her explanation. She'd thought of him while trying to find a name for their baby. Maybe things were fixable between them after all.

"Daniel Amaro" Nick whispered. But he hurried to correct himself when he felt her gaze on him. "Or Daniel Rollins. Sorry for that, I don't even know if you want him to have my name, even when I do want him to appear as his father on the birth certificate, if that's okay with you." He shifted a little on the bed, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in his spot. "We could use a compound last name like Rollins-Amaro, if you wish?"

"No! You don't need to be sorry. And yes to all the above" She said, meeting his gaze. "Well, not all, I mean, of course I want him to have your name, no hyphens added, please. I don't want my last name anywhere near him. I think it's enough burden to have me as his mother" She smiled sadly.

"Hey, don't say that, I think he is the luckiest kid ever for having you as his mother. Never doubt that Amanda. You did everything for him, you are the best that could've happened to him." Nick lifted her chin with his hand forcing her to meet his eyes. But being so close to him proved to be a lot and she turned her head away slightly.

"Can I hold him, he asked her", flashing Amanda a boyish grin.

The baby squirmed a little and opened his blue eyes, sensing that he wasn't close to his mother anymore.

"Hey Daniel, how are you?" Nick placed a kiss to the baby's forehead.

"He'll want to be fed soon, you know. Do you want me to call the nurse so she can help you?" He asked, pointing at her injured arm.

She thought for a moment, then she shook her head. "No, I mean, how difficult can it be? Plus, you know the drill, right? You can help me."

"Mmm… I've never breastfed, Amanda" he said, a smile tugging his lips.

"I know" She offered him a broad smile in return. "But I assume you were there when Maria fed Zara, you can help me"

"Actually, Maria never let me stay" a ghost of disappointment laced his words.

"Oh… Okay… still, I prefer to wait and try to figure it out for myself before calling the nurse."

"Is it okay with you if I stay?" His question came somewhat insecure, something that didn't go unnoticed by Amanda.

The guy had lost so much in the last months, who was she to take good memories away from him? "Sure, why not? He's your son too, plus, as you pointed out, I'll be needing help.

* * *

Five days later, Amanda was released from the hospital. She could've been discharged earlier, but the doctor wanted to prevent a problem caused by an infection due to the gunshot wound. Daniel on the other hand would need to stay a bit longer, but the doctor assured both Amanda and Nick that everything was okay and that they were going to be able to take their baby home soon.

Nick went to the hospital the day Amanda was released to pick her up and take her to her house. At first she refused his help, but then realized her efforts to push him away were futile, Nick was determined to be helpful and to remain by her side no matter what.

Before leaving the hospital, they both went to visit Daniel to the nursery and spent a couple of hours with their baby. Neither of them wanted to leave Daniel behind, but they knew that, for the moment, it was the best for him. They didn't want to risk him over their desire to have him with them.

The ride to her place was mostly done in silence. Despite having spent the last five days in the hospital, Amanda was tired. As if the pent-up tiredness was catching up with her now. Nick sensed that she was not in the best spirits, and he decided to give her some time. He knew they needed to talk about many things, but he chose to breach the subject until they were home.

When they arrived, he took her go bag from the back seat and opened the door for her.

"Is it okay if I come up with you?" The question came out somewhat awkward after all they've been through, but he felt compelled to ask.

"Sure!" she said with a smile.

Stepping into her apartment, she was greeted by a signboard that read 'Welcome Baby' with multicoloured letters.

"Nice!" she turned to look at Nick, who was a bit far behind her with a surprised smile plastered on her beautiful face.

"Do you like it?" He said as he placed her bag on the couch.

"I sure do" Did you put it here?" She asked, coming close to where he was standing next to her couch.

"Yeah, even when it was Zara who chose it"

"Oh! Didn't see that one coming. Does she know?" She was genuinely surprised by his comment.

"From the start, yes"

A soft smile touched her lips. She had no idea Nick had told his daughter about the baby. And it was nice and reassuring to know that at least one of his kids knew about Daniel. It was like some sort of reassurance when it came to Nick's interest and commitment to their baby.

"And wait till you see Daniel's room" He said with a wide grin. He took her hand in his and lead her to the nursery.

Her mouth gaped at the sight of it. The room was painted in a soft shade of green. Elephants, giraffes, and lions dress up the walls. To go all-out, the ceiling was swathed in canvas to look like a tent The white wooden crib with the bedclothes in it and a green stuffed bear inside The rocking chair was next to the window. She walked towards the dresser and opened one of the drawers, all the baby clothes lay perfectly folded inside. A lot of stuffed animals on the shelves, fixed to the walls.

"Did you put this all together? I wasn't away that long"

"I got some help from Fin and Liv. And a friend of Fin's son do the painting on the walls." He was happy to see how much she liked the room.

"It's beautiful"

"Glad you like it"

"Like it? It's perfect!" It's been a long time since she didn't like something as much.

"Liv told me that I'm entitled to some days off, some sort of paternity leave, so I can help around. And I'd like to spend those days here." He said while she continued walking around the room. "I can sleep on the floor or on the couch, if it is okay with you, that is"

"That will be nice." She turned to look at him. "I've never done this before"

"You looked after Kim" He said.

"It's not the same. Even when sometimes she felt like my responsibility, she wasn't. Daniel on the other hand, is"

"Yeah, I feel kind of the same way" He said, looking away.

"But you've raised Zara" She came to stand next to him.

"Yeah, but you know what they say, raising a boy is not the same as raising a girl. I never had the chance to raise Gil, so I'm in the dark when it come to raising boys. I guess we're about to find out what it's like, together" He let this last word linger as they both looked intently into each others eyes.

Nick leaned forward to kiss her, but she moved her head just as his lips were about to catch hers.

"There are some things we need to do" She said taking some steps back. And just like that, the moment was lost.

Amanda couldn't deny the heat that spread through her entire being when she had Nick so close to her, but she didn't want to fool herself. Harris was right, what made her think that Nick was staying this time?

If the reason was Daniel, then that was more a responsibility and one he seemed happy to assume. But she wasn't his responsibility and she certainly didn't want to become one. She's always been independent and more than capable of taking care of herself.

Turning her head to look at him, she could see the hurt in Nick's eyes. But at that point, she wasn't even sure that she was reading his feelings correctly. Nick has always been kind of a mystery to her and she couldn't help but wonder if such mystery was ever going to be revealed to her.

Nick saw her as she walked towards the door. He could tell her guard was up and he knew there was nobody to blame but him.

But somehow, he was happy. They've become closer in the past weeks than they've been in months. He knew getting her back was not going to be easy, but nothing that was really worth it ever was., but he felt closer now. And somehow he was counting on Daniel to help him, not that he wanted to use their baby as a hostage the way Maria often used Zara, but he knew that Daniel was the perfect pretext to spend time with Amanda.

He followed her into the kitchen and helped her fix some lunch for the both of them.

She had been so happy and excited when she saw Daniel's room, but now she was quiet and he didn't like it.

"We never talked about what between you and Harris when he locked you in the break room" He broke the silence between them with a blunt question. But this topic had burned him since the events of that day and he didn't want to wait longer to find out.

She tensed upon listening to his question, but she kept her attention trained to the task at hand. "There's nothing to talk about because nothing happened. He kind of explained his reasons behind his actions. He told me that, you ruined his chances with Maria. Basically he blamed you for all his problems, which we both know is not true." She answered without daring to look at him.

"Amanda, I saw you before and after, remember?" He asked, coming to stand a bit closer to her. "Did he hurt you?"

She turned to look at him, and reading the concern in his brown eyes, she answered. "No, he didn't. He shook me a little, but that was it. As I said, he was mad at you, not at me."

"Yeah, but that didn't stop him from hurting you in the past"

She knew he was talking about the notes that Harris had sent her, which she failed to mention to everyone- him included. "Nothing happened, I promise" She assured him.

They finished making some sandwiches, which they ate in silence, except for the funny comments that Nick made in an attempt to lighten the mood and keep the conversation flowing, which was totally uncharacteristic of him.

After lunch, they both rode back to the hospital to spend some time with Daniel again, before Nick took Amanda back home and he went to the office to work the night shift.

* * *

"Nick, can I have a word with you?" Olivia called from her office a couple of weeks later.

"Sure, what's up Sergeant" he said as he closed the door behind him.

"How's Daniel doing?" She asked, seating on her desk.

Nick took a seat on the chair. "He's doing great! I wish the doctors let us take him home already" He said with a childish grin, but he's face grew serious when he saw the expression in Olivia's face. She looked worried. "Liv, what's going on?

Olivia sighed. "I received a phone call from Tucker. IA knows what happened between you and Amanda". She lifted her hands in front of her when she saw Nick shifting in his seat. "They don't know everything that happened, but they know that Danny is your kid and they are not happy about it"

"Screw them"

"Yeah, that is exactly what I think, but you and I know that there are rules and…"

"Are we gonna be punished?" He asked, his jaw set.

"For having a kid together? No." She shook her head as she continued, "but you won't be able to work together anymore. Amanda will be on maternity leave which will buy us some time. But I'll need to talk to her in case we need to make some changes"

"What kind of changes," he asked, a trace of concern in his voice.

Pushing herself up from the desk, she added. "Best case scenario, one of you will have to work a different shift"

"And the worse?"

"One of you will be transferred" She said sympathetically. "I really need to talk to Amanda about this".

"Don't worry, Liv. I can do it, I'll talk to her" He offered.

"Thanks Nick, but no. It has to be me"

"Is anything wrong?" He asked, his brows furrowed.

"No, it isn't. It's just that, I don't want her to make a decision based on something you may or may not say"

He gave her a confused look.

With a sigh, she proceeded, "Nick, everything that happened was because she was trying her best to protect you. From not telling the truth about what happened to hiding the existence of those threats from Harris. Most of what she did was meant to protect you. And don't get me wrong, I don't blame you for that, I know it was her choice, and giving her record, I understand that somehow she was covering herself too, but mostly it was because she tried to keep your best interest at hand and this time I want her to think about her and Daniel first. Do you understand that?"

"Yeah, I do" He said in defeat.

"Okay. You can go back to work now."

Nick went back to his desk with a heavy heart, earning a sympathetic look from Fin on his way. He knew the consequences, he's known them all along, but hearing them from Olivia made them real.

He didn't want to be transferred, but he knew Amanda didn't want it either. He hoped IA would let them work a different shift, this way, they will be able to continue working at SVU.

* * *

Spending time with Frannie at the park after such a long time without doing it was nice. Ever since Daniel was born almost three weeks ago Amanda hadn't been able to do much. First, because of the damn sling on her arm and second because in all honesty, she preferred to use the time she wasn't at the hospital with Danny and Nick to catch on some sleep.

But that afternoon was different, she felt much better and she decided to take Frannie out. They've walked in the park for almost one hour – a shorter time than what they used to and with a much more relaxed routine- but it was a start and one that made her feel great.

Walking to her apartment she was surprised to find Nick waiting for her seated on the stairs.

"Hey" a smile on his lips as he stood up to greet her. "I thought to stop by and chat a little"

"Sure, come on in," she said with a smile matching his.

"You went to the park, huh?" He asked as he saw her put her keys on the kitchen counter.

"Yeah, we desperately needed it , didn't we girl," she said, petting Frannie's head and chest. "But I got tired way too fast," she said pouting her mouth.

"Maybe, you weren't ready yet," he countered.

"Maybe, but it was nice nonetheless"

"Have you seen to Liv", he asked changing the topic.

"No, but I did speak to her on the phone."

He looked at her, encouraging her to continue.

"She called me this afternoon, she mentioned the conversation she had with you, but I had made my decision before she called, so our conversation didn't last long"

"You've made a decision? Do you care to share?"

She gestured to the couch so they could take a seat.

"Remember when I told you about that Christmas photo my mom took at Wal Mart? And that it was the only picture she actually had from my childhood?" He nodded and she continued. "Well, I don't want that for Daniel. I want him to be happy and to feel loved no matter what. He's healthy and I'm grateful, but the truth is that, it's not enough. Every time that we've seen him I cannot help but to think about all those little kids that end up in harms way. I know it's a cliché and now I understand why you and other parents at SVU always think of their kids during a tough case, and the truth is, I never thought about this before, but then he came along and now I do"

"What are you sayin'?"

She shifted in her seat. "I don't want to become my mother. "She finally admitted. "I don't want to turn myself into someone like her either, that is one of the reasons why I never considered the possibility of becoming a mother and the reason why I was not forthcoming about the idea of having Daniel." She looked away visibly ashamed of her confession. "But now he is here and, against all odds, he is okay and I want to do my very best to be a good mother." She finally looked him in the eye. "I put up for a transfer. I decided to leave SVU for a while. Maybe in the future, I will come back, but for now, the schedule is too demanding and I need time to spend with Daniel"

Looking intently into her blue eyes, he nodded his head. All this time he had heard her talking and even when something inside him made him feel good about her decision, another part of him thought back at what Olivia told him.

"Are you sure you're doing it just because of that? Cuz you know, you could keep your job and you'd still be a terrific mother. Are you sure you're not doing it because Liv told you that either way one of us will need to transfer and you don't want me to be transferred?"

She sighed. "You belong in SVU"

"You too," he said, taking her hand in his.

"But not now. Daniel needs me more. And yes, I thought about you too before making my decision and I do believe is the best for all of us. I'll still be on maternity leave and I'll use this time to look for a position in another precinct. Maybe a desk job"

"Do you have any idea where?" He asked playing with her fingers.

She remained silent for a moment, biting at her lower lip she looked away. "Not just yet, but something will come up" She said confidently.

"Okay" He nodded. "Would you like me to order something to eat. I don't know, maybe some Chinese or Italian?" She hadn't mentioned that she was hungry, but he thought it would be nice for them to have dinner together.

"I'm not hungry" she said, shaking her head. "I'm kind of tired, actually."

"Ok, I'll pick you up tomorrow to visit Daniel," he said, pushing himself up from the couch, her hand still in his.

"Actually", she matched his action, "could we meet at the hospital? I have some errands to run in the morning"

Nodding his head, "sure, I'll meet you there, then"

"Good night" He leaned in to kiss her, and even when she didn't flinch or move the way she did the last time, he chose to kiss her on the cheek."

"Night" she said, walking him to the door.

* * *

The next morning, she was already in the nursery when he arrived.

He saw her through the glass, talking to Daniel while cradling him in her arms. She was finally free of the arm sling which gave her better access to hold their baby.

"We can take him home in two more days," she turned to face him when she felt him standing next to her, a bright smile shining in her beautiful face.

"Really?" He couldn't hide his excitement.

"Yeah!" She kissed the baby's nose. "Would you like to hold him?"

She placed Danny in his waiting arms. A free strand of her hair caressed Nick's jaw and he took in her scent, she smelled like vanilla and soap. He smiled, his chest swelled with happiness to have Amanda and his baby. He turned to look at her as she ran the back of her index finger along the baby's soft cheek.

"Were you able to do what you needed," he asked, locking his gaze to her eyes.

"Yeah" She turned away.

"Everything good?"

"I'd say more than good" She nodded her head enthusiastically.

"I'll talk to Liv this afternoon. I'll take my days off from the minute Daniel is at home, is that okay? I mean, are you okay with it?

"Sure, it will be great"

He was under the impression that she was hiding something, but he let it slip. They both smile at each other. Amanda seemed genuinely happy and Nick couldn't help but to feel hopeful, he was looking forward to spend the upcoming days with Amanda and Daniel, with his family.

* * *

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" Nick asked, leaning against the door to Olivia's office. "Daniel will be released in two days and I'd like to take my days off.

"Those are great news" Olivia said, standing up and walking towards him to give him a hug. "Sure, I'll have everything ready. I'm so happy for you both, plus, it's better than you spend as much time with him now that they're still here" She said, walking back to her desk.

"Now that they're still here?" He repeated Olivia's words. What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, his brows furrowed in confusion

"What?" She asked, her mouth a gap. "I thought you knew…"

"Knew what? Is there something I need to know?" He was looking intently at Olivia.

Pursing her lips together, she took a seat on her chair and gestured for him to take the seat opposite to hers, but he refused. "I received a phone call from Murphy the other day. He asked me for Amanda's transfer papers. He mentioned that, he had talked to a friend of his and that he was gonna give him a call. He told me he had talked to Amanda about this, and well, I thought she had told you."

"Murphy?" He felt bile rise in his throat at the mention of the Liutenant. He didn't like the guy one bit and sure he didn't like the idea of him calling Amanda. He gave her a humourless smile. "He's tryin' to help her, I get it. But what does it have to do with me enjoying them while they're here?"

"The job is in Seattle, Nick"

Nick's jaw set in anger and disbelief. He punched the doorframe and left without a word. Olivia tried to stop him, but he was too angry to listen.

"I should've kept my mouth shut" she said as she saw him grab his jacket and leave.

* * *

An insistent knock on Amanda's door at 5pm surprised her, she wasn't expecting visitors so when she saw Nick's face through the peep whole she knew something was not okay. She knew Nick would come at night, she was actually counting on it, but not so early and not in such a bad mood. His body language gave him away and she wondered if something bad had happened at the office.

"Hey," she offered him a smile, one that he didn't reciprocate as he pushed his way into her apartment.

"Come in," she muttered, rolling her eyes as she closed the door. He was definitely in a bad mood.

For a few seconds he stood with his back to her, not speaking a word, his hands clenched into fists.

"Did you talk to Olivia?" she asked, coming to face him.

"When were you gonna tell me, Amanda? A day before you left or when you were about to board the plane?" He asked her, his words full of anger.

"What?" she asked deeply surprised at his question. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, now you don't know what I'm talking about?" He smiled grimly.

"I guess now you'll also deny meeting with your friend Murphy this morning?"

"How do you know?" She knew this couldn't be good. _Had Murphy told him?._

"I didn't, it was just a guess" He said, looking intently at her, a mix of anger and hurt in his big brown eyes.

She tensed and the look in his eyes told her he was waiting for an explanation.

"So what?" she asked, taking a few steps closer to him.

"So what? You two have made plans on my back and you dare asking, so what?"

"Nick, we haven't made plans on your back."

"No?, so it's not true that a friend of his has offered you a position in his precinct in Seattle?"

For a second he wondered how on earth he knew so much about Murphy's offer, but she guessed that was not important at the moment. She needed to tell him the whole story, because he clearly didn't have the whole picture.

"I haven't heard from his friend, ok? But it is true that, a couple of weeks back Murphy contacted me to offer his help"

"Which you gladly accepted," he cut her off. "And why not, if it came from your dear friend" He lashed out, his words full of poison.

"It's not like that". She shook her head.

"No, of course not. You're just planning on leaving and taking my kid away at your friend Murphy's instance and you dare saying that is not like that!" He spat

"Nick, no…" She did her best to remain calm, but she was shaking from the inside. This had been one of the many reasons why she didn't bring up her conversations with Murphy to Nick, she knew hell was going to break loose if he ever found out.

"Ironic, isn't it. You were the one who told me that what Maria did was wrong and now you're doing exactly the same." Amanda's head was shaking, desperately trying to let him know that what he was saying was not true, but he never let her explain herself as he continued ranting a mile per hour. "But in your case is much worse because Danny doesn't even know me. You didn't let me be close to you when you were pregnant. I'm a complete stranger to him and I'll become even more so because I won't be able to be close to him while he grows up."

"Nick, listen ,please" She lifted both hands and tried to reach for him, but he took a step back.

"What do you want me to listen. That all the things you said at the hospital of him having my name and wanting me to be by his side were all bullshit…"

"No, things are not like that. Why do you always have to do this, why do you always think that you're right? You don't even know how things are, how dare you judge me like that?" She said, a mix of anger and sadness in her blue eyes.

"You know what? I don't need more of this shit. You're worse than I thought, Amanda. Much worse"

They stared at each other for some time, their eyes full of tears that refuse to come out. Eventually, he made his way to the door, pushing her on his way out. Amanda stood there, motionless as she heard the door shut behind her with a thud.

Nick's words stung more than she thought something he said would ever will. She didn't know how full her eyes were with tears until they came out flowing freely down her cheeks.

* * *

Amanda arrived to the hospital eager to pick her baby up. She had been ready since daybreak and ever since, she tried calling Nick several times, but all her calls went straight to voicemail. At first, she wanted to fight, to hurt him the same way he had hurt her, but then she decided that, the best course of action would be to tell him the truth. They were not teenagers and they had a responsibility in their hands. She now needed to put Daniel first and the last thing their baby needed was to have his parents fighting for no reason. Unfortunately, Nick hadn't returned her calls, which made a reconciliation much more difficult to achieve.

He was supposed to be there with her to pick the baby up, but she figured he wouldn't come, especially considering how mad he was at her.

It was an understandment to say that, she was shocked when she found Nick holding their baby when she arrived. Through the glass, she could see that he wasn't happy, quite the opposite, he looked sad as he cradled Danny in his arms. She felt a pang of guilt in her stomach, because, even when it was never her intention, she knew that somehow, it was her fault.

"Hey," she greeted him.

He turned his head upon listening to her, but he only nodded his head, acknowledging her presence.

She came closer to kiss Danny's forehead and was surprised when he handed the baby to her, clearly uncomfortable having her so close to him, something totally different from all the previous times they'd spent time with Daniel.

"Do we need to sign the release papers or something?" She asked, cradling her baby.

"I've done that already, we were just waiting for you, right buddy?" He took Danny's little hand in his.

Looking into Nick's eyes, as he played with Danny's small fingers, she could tell he hadn't slept at all.

"I took my car, the baby seat is there so, would you like us to…"

"I took the subway, so you drive, if that's okay with you" He said, gently taking the baby from her.

"Sure, I can do that." She said, looking for the car keys inside her bag.

The ride to her place was weird. He avoided eye contact and instead, focused his attention on Daniel. Every time that she wanted to ask something that will engage them in a long conversation, he gave her a fast answer, one that didn't give room for further comments.

Once they arrived, he took the baby and went upstairs. Leaving her behind feeling like just a driver and an outsider.

He went straight to the nursery and settled Danny in his crib. All the time she saw him without making any comments, she knew he was hurt, but this was way too much. She rolled her eyes.

"I prepared the couch for you unless of course you prefer to stay in the room with Danny" She said in an attempt to get him to talk.

"That won't be necessary" He said, as he covered Danny with a light blanket.

"But you told me you were taking some days off" Her voice laced with confusion.

He shrugged. "Yeah, but I decided not to"

"I thought you wanted to spend time with Daniel, _with us_" She looked away and focused her attention on the window.

"I do, which is why I decided to wait. You will have to travel to Seattle to get everything ready, for your new job and living accommodations, and it won't be good for Daniel to be travelling back and forth. So I thought that you could leave him with me. If I take those days off now, I won't be able to look after him later and I want to spend as much time with him as possible." He let her know his plans. "I want to visit him everyday though." He said with a bow of his head.

She just nodded her head. She felt her heart faltering and she struggled to breath. He was not staying with them after all. "If that's what you want…"

"Yeah, that's what I want. He bent to kiss Daniel's forehead. "Hasta luego chiquito, te amo" He said, before leaving.

She turned around to say something, but he had already left. She took a small shaky breath. He was deeply hurt, and there was no reason for him to be. Things could be so different if he weren't so stubborn.

She walked to the crib and ran her hand along Daniel's soft brown hair. "Maybe this afternoon, daddy will let me talk to him, right?"

She smiled at her sleeping baby. With his eyes closed, he looked like a mini version of Nick, which made her love him even more.

"Yeah, for all our sakes I need to talk to him. The sooner, the better." She said absent-mindedly.

Sadly, her plans were put off. As the afternoon rolled, Nick sent her a message to let her know that he was stuck with work and that he wasn't going to be able to make it and to ask her to kiss Danny for him.

She sighed, one more night in which they were both going to spend in purgatory thanks to their stubbornness.

* * *

The music in the bar was soft. Not what you'd expect from a place like that, but considering it was a week day, it wasn't that odd.

Nick Amaro didn't like to drink, and at that moment, he wasn't actually drinking, but the environment of the bar suited his mood. He felt miserable and he didn't know what to do about it.

A hand on his shoulder brought him from his thoughts.

"How come you're not enjoying your kid?"

Nick turned around with a tired, yet genuine smile. "John!" Nick stood to greet his mentor and friend.

"I'd thought you'd be taking advantage of your days off. These kind of perks were not granted to us in my days" He said as he took a seat next to Nick. "Congratulations, by the way" He said, patting Nick's shoulder. "How is the kid? I hope you're not planning to repopulate the world" Munch added looking at Nick over his glasses.

A shadow of sadness fell upon Nick's face, which didn't go unnoticed by the older man.

"Liv told me about Rollins' job offer. How are you holding up?" Munch asked the bartender for a drink while he waited for Nick to answer.

"I'm not," Nick answered with a shrug. "But I guess it's kind of the story of my life."

"When is she leaving?" Munch turned his attention to Nick.

"I dunno. Don't want to, I guess. Haven't asked either" Nick took a sip of his soda.

Munch twisted his mouth and turning to face Nick he asked him, "have you told her?"

"What? That I don't want her to take my kid away from me? I think she has a pretty good idea by now." Nick said, taking the remaining of his soda in one long gulp.

"I think that is an understandment. But, what I want to know is if you have told her that you don't want her to leave, about your feelings for her?" Munch couldn't help but to roll his eyes. For such a young man, Nick could be very narrow minded.

Nick gave him a puzzled look.

"Don't look at me that way, kid. Remember that I told you once that John Munch knows when a relationship is over?"

Nick nodded

"Well, John Munch knows when there's potential in a relationship too. And I think there's a chance for you and Rollins" He stated simply.

Nick's eyes brighten up a little.

"Can't believe you haven't noticed. Anyway, I knew that the moment she called me and asked me to pay you a visit when you were arrested."

"She knows I don't want her to take Daniel away from me." Nick said, looking away from Munch's inquisitive stare.

"Yes, you've said that already, but you haven't told her anything about her."

"She doesn't want to listen to it," Nick shook his head in defeat.

"How do you know?"

"She's rejected my advances on many occasions"

" I would have done the same if you'd broken up with me." Munch stated simply. "Look, most likely she thinks that the only reason why you're sticking around is because of the baby and not because of her."

"That is ridiculous" Nick turned to see Munch in the eye, his face serious.

"Is it? Then tell her. She's smart, but Rollins is not a mind reader. If you're not honest, then don't expect her to guess what's on your mind." Munch said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I've said some harsh things already" Nick confessed, thinking back to the argument they had in her apartment a couple of nights ago.

"And she has told you some others in the past and I assure you, there probably will be more in the future. But when that happens, you have to do what you should do now, fix it. But also, be ready to make some sacrifices if necessary. Remember, what's worth the pain, is worth the gain." Munch said, leaving no room for further debate. "Cheers," he said, raising his glass and drinking its content in one gulp, just as Nick had done minutes before.

They asked for another 's words echoed in Nick's mind as both men finished their drinks in silence. John was right, he had screamed and told Amanda he didn't want her to take his son away, but he hadn't given her a reason to stay either.

* * *

When the doorbell rang, she was surprised to see him on the other side of the door. Of all the people who'd stop by to visit, he wasn't someone she'd expected.

"Munch!" Amanda smiled brightly and she opened the door to let him in. A fussy Daniel in her arms.

"I bet you were not expecting me" Munch said. "Am I interrupting?"

"No, I had just fed him and was tryin' to put him to sleep. Come in please" Amanda said, gesturing to the living room.

Munch hugged her briefly and gave her a gift bag. She peeked inside on her way to the couch.

"I hope it fits. I've heard that what babies need the most is clothing since they tend to get dirty. I take it's true" he said, pointing at Amanda's shoulder, where Daniel had just spit.

"So, this is the youngest Amaro? He's handsome" Munch said, cocking his head to the side to take a better look at the baby resting on his mother's shoulder. "He's like the perfect blend of the two of you. Nick's features, your eyes, even his skin tone.

"Would you like to hold him, while I clean myself up?" Amanda offered

"Sure, come here, buddy" Munch extended his arms as Amanda passed the baby to him.

"You can always ask Liv for some advice, you know? She seems to be a pro at motherhood."

"I will, if I need it." She said with a tight smile. "But something tells me that you're not here to talk about Liv's experience or my lack of it when it comes to babies, is it?"

"Smart girl!" He said. "Actually is not. I spoke to Nick" He let his answer linger.

Realization drawn on her. "Have a seat".

"So, when are you moving?"

"I am not", she answered truthfully as she took a seat opposite to Munch.

He looked at her over his glasses, his hand resting on Danny's tummy. "That is not what Nick thinks"

"I know. And he'd know the truth by now if it weren't because he didn't let me talk when I tried to explain him. And he has been avoiding me since. I was determined to talk to him yesterday, but he didn't come, he just sent me a message instead." She said, looking away in an attempt to hide the hurt she felt.

"So what's this Murphy thing about?"

She rolled her eyes.

"He offered me his help. At first I thought it was a good idea since I knew that staying at SVU was a no- no on so many levels. But then he told me where the offer was" She stated simply.

"Seattle," Munch interrupted, making sure that at least that piece of information was true.

Amanda nodded her head and continued. "And that's when I declined. I'd never do that to Nick or Daniel. I want Danny to grow up with his father by his side and I'll do everything in my power to make it happen." She said matter of fact.

Then she shrugged, "I don't know how Nick found out, but whoever told him either didn't know all the facts or got them wrong"

"So you never planned on leaving?" Munch double checked.

"No, I mean, I do need a job There's no way in hell I'm letting Nick provide for the both of us. I know he is giving child support for Cynthia and Maria, and I don't want to become a burden for him, not now or ever. But I'm not planning to keep him away from his kid either."

"So, you're staying only for Daniel's sake?" Munch pushed a little, hoping to get the answer he was looking for.

"What do you mean?" She asked deeply surprised by Munch's question.

"Don't give me that look, I know I'm not Fin, but I'm not stupid either." He gave her a pointed look-

"I never said that, it's just that, I'm a bit surprised. How much do you know?"

"Are you kidding? John Munch knows everything. Not for nothing I work for the District Attorney's office" He answered with a wink.

She couldn't help but smile at his answer. "Then you know that Nick is a very responsible guy that would never walk away from his kid" She said, a shadow of sadness casting on her face.

Munch shook his head. "He chose you over him, you know?" He said, casting a fast glance to the baby in his arms.

She looked at Munch in confusion, her burrows knit.

"After you were shot, when you were taken to the hospital" Munch elaborated seeing that she didn't understand where he was coming from.

"But I was never at risk, who told you that?" Amanda tried her best to piece together what she remembered of that day.

"Fin." Much said with a shrug. "And Nick wasn't sure about that, you had been shot, anything could go wrong."

"Where are you getting at?" She asked,

"If he is sticking around just for the kid, like you think, then why would he do something like that? He looked intently at her, trying his best to read her reaction to his question.

She opened her mouth to speak, but Munch cut her off

"That is for you to figure out on your own, Rollins. I think my little friend here is out like a light"

"Yeah" She stood to take the sleeping baby from Munch's arms and to take him to his crib. A few minutes later she came back to the living room, the baby monitor in hand.

"Now, you said that you're looking for a job, right?"

"Yeah. One in which I could do home office and have time to take care of Daniel. Crazy, huh?" She smiled before looking back at Munch. "What?" She asked, cocking her head to the side as she saw him deep in thought.

"How much time do we have before Daniel wakes up?"

"Mmm… around three hours, why?"

"I think, we have time for a cup of coffee" Munch said, readjusting his position on the couch.

* * *

Munch had stayed at her place longer than she expected, but she found herself happy after his visit. As a result, she didn't have time to take a nap while Daniel slept as the doctor had suggested but she felt somehow renewed.

When her cell phone rang, her face fall upon seeing Nick's name displayed on the caller id. It most likely meant that he wasn't gonna make it that evening either. But why not sending a message the way he did the night before? Maybe he wasn't that upset anymore or maybe he'd spoken to Munch already and he knew the truth. Either way, a phone call from him was not what she was looking forward to.

"Hi!" She greeted him after the fourth ring.

"Hey, sorry. Were you sleeping?" He asked in a hurry.

"No, I wasn't."

"Good, look, I won't be able to make it tonight either, but I want to ask you for a favour, several, actually".

"Sure" She listened to him

"Could you please pack some clothing for Danny along with some detailed instructions on how to care for him?"

"What for?" she was taken aback by his odd request.

"Do you trust me?" She could tell he made a pause on whatever he was doing to ask the question.

"I do" She said, nodding her head even when she knew that he couldn't see her,

"Then please do as I say. Pack some things for Daniel, along with enough food for Frannie for two days and a bag for you"

"Let me guess, for two days also?" She found herself smiling

"You got it right" His voice relaxed

"Are you gonna tell me what is going on?" She asked him, the change in his mood from the last time they spoke peaking her interest.

"Nope. I'll pick you up tomorrow at 10:00, okay?"

"Ok, sure." She said, lifting a brow in surprise even when she knew he couldn't see her-

"One more thing, could you please put the phone next to Daniel? I'd like to wish him good night" He said and she could feel the excitement in his voice.

Amanda couldn't help but smile at such sweet gesture.

She did as Nick asked her. Amanda could hear that Nick spoke to Danny in Spanish and even when she didn't get a word of what he said, she noticed that Danny smiled in his sleep.

Once he finished talking to Danny, he wished her good night and reminded her to be ready at 10:00 the next morning.

She didn't know why, but Nick sounded very different from the last time they spoke. He didn't sound happy, but he did sound determined. And even when she found his request very strange, she didn't feel worried or upset by it, instead, she found herself enthusiastic as she gathered all the things together and got everything ready before going to bed.

One thing worried her though, she felt stupid thinking about it, but… what was she going to wear? She smiled to herself. And shook her head. This was not a date, or at least he didn't give a hint of such thing. He just asked her to pack some things for the three of them. Taking a deep breath, she decided to wear something comfortable. If they were going somewhere fancy, which she doubted, he would've mentioned it.

* * *

The following day, Nick arrived at 9:30. He went upstairs and helped her to get ready, which she appreciated cuz she was behind schedule. She finished getting her and Frannie ready while Nick got Danny

Once everything was set, they hit the road.

Nick was very serious, like deep in thought and even a bit worried, but he didn't seem upset or mad at her the way he'd been on previous days.

"Where are we going?" She finally asked

"First stop, my mother's" He answered, his attention on the road.

She gave him a puzzled look

"To leave Danny and Frannie" He cleared some of her doubts.

"Leave them?" She let his words sink. "And then?"

"Then you'll see" he offered her a soft smile.

"I thought we were taking Daniel and Franny with us," she said, looking intently at him, a trace of apprehension in her voice.

"Not this time" He stated simply.

"Why not? Where are we going that we can't take them with us? She sounded a little panicked.

"Because we need some time alone, plus, my mom hasn't met Danny yet and I think it's the perfect time for her to spend some time with her grandkid." He stated as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Amanda's stomach was a knot of nerves. He wanted to talk, that much was clear, he'd said so himself. But why take Danny to his mother and for such a long time? Anxiety start spreading through all her body. Why if he was planning to ask his mom to run away with Danny?

No, she shook her head and scolded herself at such foolishness.

Once they arrived, Nick took the baby seat along with Danny's bag and all Frannie's supplies from the back seat.

He then opened the door for Amanda and handed her Frannie's leash as they both made their way to Nick mother's door.

Nick's mom was waiting for them. Miss Amaro was so sweet and welcoming that Amanda's fear was immediately put in the back of her mind.

Nick's mom looked intently into Amanda's worried eyes and seemed to read her. She smiled at her and assured Amanda that Danny and Frannie were going to be okay. She promised to call at least three times a day and of course in case anything happened- God forbade it.

She also mentioned how excited she was for having the chance to take care of her grandson, especially since she didn't have time to spend with Gil when he was that age and because it's been a very long time since took care of a baby. But she assured Amanda that she was good at it despite the lack of experience, moreover, that she loved Danny very much.

Amanda smiled softly as her worry disappeared completely. She could feel that Nick mom's words were true and in the end, that is what she had wanted all along for her son, for him to have a family and to be loved by them.

Amanda kissed both Daniel and Frannie before they left and she felt good when Nick's mom hugged her tight, the way her own mother never did.

They said their goodbyes and left.

Once on the car, Nick noticed that Amanda kept looking back and she jolted when she felt his hand on hers.

"Are you okay?"

"Not quite," she said honestly

"My mom will take good care of them. But if you don't feel comfortable, we can go back"

"Will you do that?" She asked, her eyes wide in surprise

"Sure," he said, as he tried to find a way to go back. "We do need to talk, but we can do it while Danny sleeps." He offered her a soft smile.

She felt reassured. "No," she shook her head. "I don't know what you have planned, but I can tell is important to you. So let's stick to your plan," she said with a smile.

"But if you don't feel confident…" he trailed off

"It's just my separation anxiety kicking in and I'm pretty sure it will get worse," she smiled sheepishly, "but I'll do my best to keep my emotions in check." She assured him

"We'll be back tomorrow night, I promise, everything will be okay"

She sighed, "I know"

He took her hand in his and kissed her fingertips, never breaking eye contact.

He told her some hurtful things the last time they spoke. But back then he didn't know the truth and if she were honest, she didn't do much to clear the waters either. And if what Much said were true, then maybe Nick hasn't stuck around only because of Daniel. Not to mention that she did like when she was on good terms with him.

"So, are you telling me where we are going?" She asked, a mischievous smile playing on her lips.

"I didn't tell you, did I? It's a surprise"

* * *

When they reached the Rainbow Bridge two hours later, Nick smiled at the puzzled expression on Amanda's face.

"Canada? But… We've been here before"

"Interviewing witnesses don't count. Plus, you have wanted to come for a while and I thought it would be a nice place to spend the weekend." He shrugged, a triumphant smile on his lips.

She offered him a wide smile. She thought back to the night when she told him and Fin that she was spending the weekend in Canada, when in reality she was planning on spending the night gambling. She found Nick's plan extremely endearing.

Once they arrived at the Niagara Falls, they spent the rest of the day enjoying the thrilling views of the Falls. Even when due to the background sound they were unable to talk, Nick felt immensely happy to see how excited Amanda was, he could tell it was the first time she went there and that she was enjoying herself, it was like watching a little girl in a candy store and he hoped that the dazzling smile that adorned her beautiful face would never fade away.

Once their journey was over, they checked the posters of information about the history and evolution of the hallways they've just walked through. All the time, their hand were clasped together, like a couple of teenagers on a first date.

Nick's mom stuck to her promise and she had called twice so far which Amanda appreciated. The night was falling as they walked hand in hand on the street.

"Are you hungry" Nick asked, resting his head on hers as they continued walking.

"I'm starving" She said, turning her head to look at him-

They chose to go to a nice café near the Miller's Creek Marina. He knew she didn't like expensive restaurants and he didn't either. The café was full with locals giving the place a taint of familiarity, which was perfect for them.

They were shown to their table as the waiter offered them the menu.

"So, what is that you want to talk about?" She asked him while she took a look at the menu in her hand.

"I've been thinkn' " He said, never taking his gaze from his menu

"About?"

"I wasn't fair with you" He finally put the menu on the table in front of him. "I haven't been fair with you for a long time actually and I want to make it up to you".

"Nick" she said as she tried to reach for his hand.

"Please, let me speak. You are right. I hurt you deeply, but in all honesty, back then I didn't know what else to do. My job and my family were all I had and from one day to the other I was facing losing one of those precious things and so I thought that I had to hold onto the one that I had left without thinking of the consequences. I'm not good at this" He said, a sad smile on his lips. "But I have to at least try, since I'm facing losing what I love the most and I don't want that to happen"

She shook her head. "You won't lose Daniel"

"I'm not talking about him... I'm not only talking about him" He corrected.

"Is it true, then?" she asked him, looking intently at him

Nick gave Amanda a questioning look.

"That you chose me, over Daniel the day we were brought into the hospital, after the confrontation with Harris"

"I did," he nodded

"Why? I was not at risk, there was no need for you to make such a difficult choice." She thought she knew the answer, but she wanted to hear it from him.

"Because in that moment I wasn't sure. The ride to the hospital was a nightmare and I didn't know how bad you actually were. So I told the doctor that if it ever came down to that, he must save you. At that moment I thought that, maybe, just maybe we could have another kid eventually. And I know that one child would never replace another, but nobody could replace you either and I didn't want to lose you then, just as I don't want to lose you now. I don't know what I'd do without Danny cuz now that I've met him, I cannot envision my life without him in it, but at the moment, it was the right choice to make.

"If it is because of the job…"

"Please, let me finish." He said, reaching for her hand. "When Maria told me that she was moving to Washington I let her and I let her take Zara with her and then, when she told me that she was taking my girl farther away, I didn't do anything to stop her. And the truth is, I don't regret it. But I know that I'd regret it the rest of my life if I let you and Daniel go, which is why… which is why I spoke to Liv and ask her to help me find a position for me in Seattle. If you want to go, I'll go with you.

"What?"? She looked at him dumbfounded. But what about your mother, and Zara and Gil? She asked him wide-eye.

"I can come to visit them, but I'm not letting you go" He looked intently at her.

Tears pooled in her eyes, she had never felt so touched about anything in her life. She reached across the table to take both of his hands in hers.

"Well, thank you so much, but you won't have to." A mischievous smile playing on her lips. "I spoke to Munch the other day and he has offered me a job as his assistant. Great pay check, very good benefits and the best is that I'll have plenty of time to spend with Daniel. I may need your mom's help but after what I witnessed today, I think she'll be delighted." She squeezed his hands in excitement.

"You don't have to do this for me. You've sacrificed a lot already. If you want to go to Seattle, we can do it." Once again, he thought about Olivia's words. Maybe she was just doing it to save his career at SVU.

"That is the thing. I don't want to go to Seattle. I never did. Murphy did offer to help me like I told you the other night, but the minute he mentioned Seattle, I turned him down."

"Really?" He was surprised by her confession.

"Yes, you can call him if you want to." She gestured to her handbag where her cellphone was.

He gave her a funny look. "I pass, I'll take your word instead"

"You shouldn't be mad at him, you know? He is a decent guy."

He raised one brow at her comment. And she shook her head, a smile touching her lips.

Once the waiter arrived with their order, they spent the time talking about different things, most of them involving Daniel and Munch's offer, which Nick swore didn't know about- and he was telling the truth. Amanda found herself at ease and very relaxed and happy in a way she hadn't been in a very long time.

As they finished their meal, they went to the Miller's Creek Marina for a walk, since it was close to the Inn they were spending the night.

The air was cool but very nice as it hit their faces. They walked hand in hand for a while before he pulled her close to him and kissed her temple.

"You think we'll make it this time around," she asked him as she played with his fingers.

"Munch says we have potential," he said with a small shrug, and a smile on his lips.

"I'm more interested in what you think" she said, turning her face to look at him.

"I say that" he said as he turned her to face him "That I cannot promise you a happily ever after, but I do promise to do my best to make you happy, to be your friend, to be supportive, to try to be a better listener and to speak instead of yell even when I know this last one will be very difficult, especially if I'm mad. I want an 'us' with you, Amanda. And I'll do my very best to make it last for as long as you want me by your side" He said, cupping her face in his hands.

"Then make it last for a life time, cuz I want it to work too. And I know it will be difficult, but if we keep in mind what we want now and how we feel, every day, it will help us in the worst moments."

"I promise to open up a bit more, to talk to you, to listen to you and to ask when I'm not sure instead of assuming." She sighed "It is definitely a long way"

"And one I'm looking forward to travelling with you" he said, locking his eyes in hers. "And for the record, I don't do it for Danny. I love him deeply and I think he's the very best thing that could've happened to us, but, I love you. With or without Danny, you, are my life"

She bit down at her lower lip, her eyes full of tears. He bent down to kiss her, his fingers intertwined with hers.

"So what now, do you want to ride back to NY tonight?" He asked her, his lips caressing hers.

She took some steps back and placed her hands on each side of his back before pushing herself up, forcing him to carry her on his back.

"Is it what you want?" She asked him, resting the side of her face on his elbow to face him.

"I asked you first" A wide smile on his lips.

"She bit her lip and he hurried to answer, reading the concern in her face. "Danny is okay"

She sighed, knowing that he was right. "Can we stay a bit longer?" She asked, wanting the moment to stretch for ever.

"Glad you ask. Since that was the original plan even when it was open to change.

"What would you have done if I didn't take you back?"

"That Ms Rollins was never part of the plan". He said, taking a few steps carrying her in his back.

"So you were sure?" She pouted

"No, I wasn't. But I was ready to do whatever it take to convince you" He put her down and took her hand in his. He caressed her cheek and a shiver ran down her spine before he kissed her gently at first, but the kiss grew more passionate within seconds.

"Not here," she managed to say in between kisses.

"I thought you were adventurous" He said, and the look he gave her was anything but chaste.

"What about a swim instead?" she said, pointing to the ocean.

"Here, now?" he asked in disbelief

"Yeah, why not?", she gave him a quick kiss on the lips before running to the sea.

He shook his head. Nick knew she was more than capable of it, but he knew she would not do it. Not as much for her as for Daniel. "I'll make you a deal," he caught up with her.

"Why don't we go back to the hotel?" He started planting kisses all along her jaw line and neck

"Oh, you have reservations?" She moved her head to give him more access to her neck.

"Of course, I do. So. We go to the hotel and you check the surprise that I have for you. If you don't like it, we'll come back here and do things your way, what do you say?" He nuzzled her cheek.

She turned to look up as considering his offer "Okay"

She leaned her head against his chest. She then lifted her head towards his and he ran the back of his hand along her cheek cupping the nape of her neck. The moon was shinning brightly, silver rays caressing her face.

She stretched up to kiss him as she slipped her hands under his cotton shirt sliding her palms along his back. Nick moaned and pulled her in closer, his hands running freely along her back and sides.

Eventually she pulled back, as they were both breathing hard.

"What? Do you think we're going too fast?

"Quite the opposite". She reached for his lips again." We better go to the hotel now," she gave him a mischievous smile, as she caught his lips again.

_The end._


End file.
